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biebsimagine · 7 years ago

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They Don't Know (Mature)

My cheeks are becoming hot. I can feel them buzzing and I’m sure if Justin moves any closer to me (which I’m certain he will) he’ll be able to feel the heat radiating off them.

“Just lay back,” he whispers, giving me one last glance before his lips graze across my stomach; they’re wet and warm and cause my insides to do flips. “Let me take care of you.”

The bed is unfamiliar but I can smell Justin’s cologne mixing with his natural scent. I let myself fall back onto the sheets and sigh softly.

“Your skin is soft,” I hear him whisper while his fingers rub my hips, just above my underwear. “You’re so beautiful.”

I watch as he wraps his slender fingers around the material of my underwear, a face filled with concentration as he does so, and teasingly pulls them down.

Once they’re discarded to the floor, a glint of excitement passes through Justin’s eyes as I watch him, it only excites me more.

“I want to take my time, I want to make you feel every little thing,” he murmurs before, to my disappointment, moves up my body.

“You know we have a busy day tomorrow,” I grin, stretching to look down at him.

“I don’t mind falling asleep during interviews if you don’t,” he says before pressing his lips against my shoulder.

Gently, his fingers trail up my waist until they’re under my arms. By the way his eyes are burning into my chest, I can guess what happens next.

He moves closer, so close I can feel his breath colliding with my nipples. I hum softly.

It isn’t long before his lips are latched around my left nipple while his right hand gives my right equal attention. He imitates my hum and sends vibrations through every inch of me.

Without telling me, my body manages to arch up into Justin’s touch. I get the feeling he’s pleased by this because a soft growl forms at the back of his throat.

“Does that feel good? I adore when your body responds to me.”

I take my lip between my teeth and bite down a hard, causing it to sting.

Justin continues to work on my nipples, making me cry out with pleasure that keeps finding its way into the deepest parts of my body. I find myself both pulling him closer to me and pushing him away.

“I think you need more,” he tempts me, adding a tone to his voice that drips like hot, melted chocolate. Just as he finishes his words he starts to kiss down my chest and across the surface of my stomach. My heart leaps with excitement while my hips stir with anticipation.

Once his lips are level with my hips, I’m sure I’m no longer able to stand the desire I can feel building. I want to cry out in frustration.

“Feel the way my fingers are tracing your thighs, feel my breath on your clit, feel my touch burn into you,” Justin said in a tempting tone.

I did just that. The simple acknowledgment of Justin’s actions and his touch manages to bring an entirely new sense of pleasure.

“Justin, please,” I whisper, and I’m sure if I look down I’d be able to see a proud grin on his lips.

“I’m here to please you tonight so I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he replies and sends a wave of relief through my body.

He doesn’t say anything else. His lips pecked the insides of my thighs before his tongue started to dance up and down my clit, giving me a burning pleasure. Looking down, I can see his eyes watching me as he does it.

I grip the sheets tightly in my hands and push my hips up to meet his mouth. Justin takes my actions happily and meets me in the middle; I almost squeal at the sudden rush.

Pushing me further to where I want to be, he wraps his lips around my clit and continues to swirl his tongue around in every direction. His mouth is hot and a shiver trickles down my spine.

****

Justin is sat next to me, his hand thrown over the back of my chair. I chance a glance and see him already looking at me, he smiles before looking away.

“So, working close together for a long period of time, does that ever get tiring? Are there times when there’s disagreements?” the interviewer, Chelsea, asks.

“Uhm.” Justin and I look at each other. “I think sometimes we get tired and cranky, and that can lead to one of us taking it out on the other, but it’s nothing serious, nothing that we hold against each other,” Justin says, looking over at me as I nod in agreement. “We love each other, we don’t argue as much as people might think.” He laughs and I smile up at him.

I watch him speaking, taking in the way his face changes when he speaks and the hand gestures he uses. I lick my lips absentmindedly before looking back to the interviewer as she nods along.

“He says that, but if we’re not making music, we’re bickering, usually because this one’s needy as shit,“ I smile innocently, nodding.

“See this? This what I have to deal with. Abuse.” Justin shakes his head, pretending to cry. Seconds later, he brings his head up and laughs to himself.

“The media can stir a lot of facts and twist them into rumours, as I’m sure you’re aware,” the interviewer starts. “How do you deal with that?”

“We don’t,” I whisper, laughing to myself and Justin glances over, grinning.

“We try to ignore them,” Justin says and I interrupt.

“But when it’s, when it’s something completely ridiculous, it’s kinda hard to ignore it, you know?” I say, and I can see Justin leaning his elbow on the chair, watching me.

“Like what?” the interviewer asks. “What’s the craziest rumour you’ve ever read about yourself?”

Justin and I look over at each other. “Uh, that’s difficult,” I laugh. “There’s that one, I can’t remember where I saw it, that you’re, like, secretly a lizard. Something you wanna tell us, Jay?” I grin to the camera and back to Justin.

“I don’t know what to tell you, except that it’s true, I’m a lizard, and [Y/N] does have a penis. It’s all true. We’re tired of living a lie. Right, [Y/N]?” He looks over at me with a sad expression. “It’s okay,” he whispers, taking my hand. “They deserve the truth.”

I suppress a smile and nod, looking at the camera while the interviewer laughs. “One thing we do; know, Justin Bieber is an idiot, you heard it here first.”

“You’re so mean to me.”

“True.”

“Anyway,” Chelsea says, laughing at us as I grin at Justin. “There’s a certain rumour that I don’t think you guys are able to get away from,” she hints and my heart skips a beat and I can be almost certain Justin’s does the same. We nod for her to continue. “There’s fan accounts, YouTube videos of proof, ship names; you name it, it’s out there somewhere, there’s this idea that the two of you are in a relationship.”

I bite the inside of my cheek and look down at my lap while Justin nods “Yeah, we’re aware,” he chuckles.

“Anything you want to clear up?” she digs a little deeper.

“Uh, I think, I think people can believe what they want, you know? I think there’s always going to be some kind of rumour or speculation that we don’t really look into, we just, you know, create music and do what we love and that’s all we really can do,” I say while feeling the tension rising between Justin and I.

“And, I mean, obviously there’s no truth to it but I also think it’s not hurting anyone, we aren’t bothered by what people say or think and we’re just happy to create music,” Justin smiles and nods towards the woman, to which Chelsea does the same.

“Everyone has something they believe,” I say and shrug, Justin grins.

“So, who’s single? You’re both single, right?” she asks, smiling at the two of us.

“Uh, yeah, both single and ready to mingle,” Justin smirks, raising his eyebrows at the camera. My smile falters as I twiddle my fingers.

“What do you look for in a girl, and a boy?”

“Uh, I like someone who’s fun, you know? A girl you feel you can talk to and know they’re there, but also someone who’s chill and can just relax and have a good time,” Justin says before his head snaps to my direction. “C'mon, [Y/N], spill the details.”

“I think someone who you can joke with, someone who’s not too serious at all times, you know, not building a wall all the time. Someone you feel you connect with.” I shrug, smiling bashfully.

“Well, that’s good to know,” Chelsea smiles and I see Justin grin.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” he asks, sending a wink in her direction. “I’m just kidding,” he laughs.

“Now, what can we expect from you guys next?”

**** I walk behind Justin and the crowd pushes up against us, flashing lights cause me to throw a hand in front of my face. Being pushed and shoved means I’m falling into bodies, but I don’t have time to apologise. I follow Justin’s footsteps until a bodyguard is pushing me towards a different car.

The paparazzi are shouting profanity and asking absurd questions, they mix with the screaming fans.

“You can’t go with him, different vehicles,” he mutters and changes my path. I see Justin looking behind him to find me, but he’s pulled into the car in front.

Once I’m in the car, the shouts are somewhat muffled and I feel as though I’m underwater, I take deep breaths to keep my breathing steady.

I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and I pull it out to see an incoming call from Justin. I answer immediately without having to think. The driver starts up the car.

“Hey,” he whispers softly. “Are you okay? You got taken to another car, right?”

“Uh, yeah, the one behind yours.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Is it?” I ask.

He sighs deeply and I can imagine the stress showing on his face. “No, of course not, I just mean- I didn’t like the idea of you still being out there.”

“I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t like this either.”

“Don’t apologise, please. This is none of your fault. That’s the power of management for you, huh?” I say, running a hand through my hair, looking out of the window to see rain falling gently. Traffic lights look like stars through the blurred and tinted glass.

“When we get back to the hotel, we’ll talk, okay? Get it all off our chest.”

“Talking isn’t gonna do anything, Justin. Nothing can change the fact that I can’t tell the world that I love you and it’s hurting me.”

He’s quiet for a few seconds before I hear him let out a shaky breath. “I know. I love you so much.” There’s silence afterwards; I don’t know what to say. “I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you, princess,” he says and my heart aches in my chest.

“I love you, too, baby,” I say and pull the phone away from my ear. I see the photo of Justin and I that we took just last week on my background. I spend the rest of the drive staring out of the window.

****

"I can’t believe this, LOOK how in love they are!!”

“It’s heartbreaking to see what they’re having to hide from the public eye. It’s so obvious that they’re dating.”

“Look how jealous [Y/N] gets when Justin flirts with the interviewer, it’s actually painful to watch”

“the tension and awkward silence when they’re asked about the dating rumours makes me cringe so hard”

“This breaks my heart.”

****

“They all know. Have you seen all the comments?” I ask Justin as I pace the hotel room. Justin is sprawled across the bed. “It’s so obvious, it makes me cringe.”

“I know, I know,” he says, biting down on his bottom lip. I lick my own. “But what can we do? Ignore management and confess we’re dating just because everyone is convinced we are?”

“What’s the point in hiding it when everyone knows? People look into every interview, every picture, everything we say, and they’ve got it worked out, Justin.”

“I know-”

“And I’m sick of having to keep my distance from you and having to get permission from people to hug you when we’re at award shows, or having things cut from interviews because it might be too suggestive! I’m tired of it,” I snap, feeling my eyes watering. I bite my tongue to stop myself from letting out a choked sob.

“I know, [Y/N],” Justin says and quickly stands up, taking me in his arms. “We’ll take to management, yeah? Tomorrow.”

I shake my head. “They’re gonna tell us the same thing. Nothing’s gonna change, Justin.”

“Look at me,” he mumbles and I do as I’m told. “I think, even if we can’t show our love in public, we can be thankful that every night we get to be together. I’m so lucky to have you, even if it is just for the night.”

“It’s not fair-”

“Listen to me,” he says. His palms press against my cheeks, his fingers brushing my neck.

“A part of me thinks it’s fun, you know? Sneaking around can be fun, the idea of no one knowing, I’ll admit that. Other times, it’s just tiring, it’s like, sometimes I just want to hug you and kiss you when I want to.”

“[Y/N].”

“Justin.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, but-”

“No ‘buts’-”

“You have a nice one,” I mutter, smirking when Justin presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

“Thank you,” he says, “but I want you to listen, okay?”

“Mhm.”

“You’re right, it isn’t fair. We shouldn’t have to hide, but I promise, one day the world is gonna know about you and me, and they’re going to support us because as you can see, the world is already backing us without even knowing what we have is truly real. We have so much support, [Y/N], and one day we can love each other without having to hide. I promise.”

I found comfort in Justin’s words and didn’t waste time in showing him. My lips pressed against his and his arms lifted my up. It wasn’t long before we were laid across the bed and painting our love with our bodies.

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imagines-corner · 7 years ago

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Cold Water: Stiles Stilinski

requested: by @oneprettygryffindor

pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

word count: 1.4k

warnings: lil sadness bc distance, sleep deprivation

summary: Song Imagine - Cold Water by Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber and MØ (listen here)

What else can we do when we're feeling low? So take a deep breath and let it go…

You rolled over in your bed once more, this time facing your sleeping roommate instead of the wall that separated you from the dorm next door. It was yet another night that you couldn’t sleep, one of many you suddenly had to spend separated from you and the group of people you thought of as family. You checked your phone, staring at the empty notification screen, with the time reminding you of your inability to function.

3:23 a.m.

You knew you needed sleep. You wanted sleep. But sleep wouldn’t come for you, not tonight, not last night, and not for the several nights before. You knew adjusting to college life would be hard, but you didn’t expect it to be this hard.

You put your phone down next to you on your bed and stared at the ceiling. You had an 8 am class tomorrow - today, actually - that was going to require your undivided attention, but you knew all you were going to be able to do was sleep. You considered skipping to sleep, but you only got one free skip a year and you wanted to save it for something more important. You considered dropping out, but you didn’t want to go back to Beacon Hills unless you got a degree or it was a desperate emergency. Truthfully, everyone told you to get out of Beacon Hills, just as they did to Stiles. They wanted you two, the most normal of the group, to live your best lives, refusing to let anything supernatural stand in the way of your success.

You sighed.

And if you feel you're sinking, I will jump right over into cold, cold water for you And although time may take us into different places I will still be patient with you And I hope you know…

You felt your bed buzz. You flipped your phone over to see a new text notification from Stiles. Your heart jumped, not from nerves but from the excitement of seeing his name slide across your screen.

You up?

You quickly typed out a response.

Unfortunately, yeah. It’s one of those nights, I guess.

You sighed, looking over to your roommate enviously.

Can I call you?

You smiled. One of Stiles’s best and worst qualities was his desire to call you, not text, in almost any situation. There was something so soothing about hearing his voice, regardless of the circumstance.

You crawled out of bed, grabbing your room key before sneaking off into the deserted common room. You chose a seat closest to the elevator, knowing it was far from anyone who was trying to sleep at this hour.

I’m ready, You texted, sitting with your phone on your lap while you were wrapped in a blanket.

The second you felt the vibrations, you swiped and lifted the phone to your ear.

“Stiles?” You asked, your voice hushed.

“Hey,” He spoke, “How’s school?”

You sighed. “It’s been good,” You lied, “I like my classes and stuff.” The second part wasn’t a lie, but the transition into life away from Beacon Hills was eating at you. “How’s Quantico?”

“It’s amazing,” Stiles began, continuing to gush about how much he loved working on FBI training. He couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this for school, let alone preparing to do this for a living. You listened to the wonder in his voice, wishing you could be with him in person. Your heart ached to see him again.

“I miss you,” He spoke, “You know that?”

“I miss you too,” You sighed, “A lot.”

“We’ll see each other again soon,” Stiles promised, “This separation isn’t permanent.” The two of you were quiet for a moment. “Remember our life plan?”

You smiled. “Of course I do,” You replied, “How could I forget?”

“What was it we were gonna do again?” Stiles asked, clearly wanting you to repeat it to him. He always tried this when you were sad, begging for you to tell him every detail of your future life together.

“When we’re both done with school,” You began, “We’re gonna move back to California.”

“And?” He asked.

“We’re gonna rent an apartment, close enough so we can visit our families back home, but far enough that it won’t be easy for them to stop by all the time.”

“We want our privacy,” Stiles whispered, “What are we gonna do after that?”

“After we work for a few years in crappy entry-level jobs, we’re gonna get married. It’ll be a small wedding, just friends and family.”

“What about after that?”

“We buy a house.”

“Where?”

“In Beacon Hills.”

“Why?”

“So our kids can have the exciting childhood we did,” You smiled, rubbing your eye to wipe away a tear that had formed. You were reminiscing of a time when things were simpler - Scott was human, Stiles was awkward, and you didn’t even notice them as anything other than your best friends. You three had grown up together, all living close enough to ride your bikes around the neighborhood, causing trouble and having fun every day you could. As you got older, things changed, and soon you and Stiles became a couple while Scott found himself balancing a life of new responsibilities as the Alpha.

“God, I miss you,” Stiles whispered, sighing as those words left his lips. You clenched your jaw, trying not to cry again, trying not to make Stiles worry. That was the last thing he needed. “You must be tired. I’m sorry I called you this late.”

“It’s fine,” You replied, “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why?” Stiles asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Fine,” You lied, “My roommate’s just snoring really loud.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

Cause we all get lost sometimes, you know? It's how we learn and how we grow And I wanna lay with you 'til I'm old You shouldn't be fighting on your own…

You flopped down on your bed, exhausted after several days of work. It was finally Friday, meaning you had two days to do nothing but relax until school picked up again. You wished you had more time, but you knew this was necessary to get your degree and finally be able to follow your dreams.

You checked your phone again. Stiles hadn’t responded to the text you sent several hours before, asking if he was able to talk for a little while. You knew he was probably working, or in class, or doing one of the many things he had to complete on any given day, but you were desperate to speak to him, desperate to hold him, desperate to feel his warmth next to you…

“You good?” Your roommate asked, standing near the desk across the room.

“I’m fine,” You replied, staring at the ceiling, your mind off somewhere else, wishing you could feel just as alive as you did over the summer.

I won't let go (I won't let go, no, no, no, no, no, no) I'll be your lifeline tonight I won't let go I'll be your lifeline tonight…

Your ears perked at the sound of a knock on your bedroom door. You weren’t sure how or when, but you had fallen asleep. It was dark outside, rain tapping on the window, as you sat up from your twin bed and crossed the room. You didn’t even bother to check through the hole on the door, assuming it was your roommate who had just come home from a late night of partying.

You were shocked to see Stiles standing in the doorway.

“They almost didn’t let me into the dorm,” He smiled, “I didn’t realize you guys have such tight security here.”

You didn't even bother to respond before you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in for one of the tightest hugs in your entire life. You could smell the rain mixed with his cologne, meaning he likely had to run from some train station through the horrible weather. You had so many questions - how he got here, when he planned this, why he came - but you knew that none of them were as important as his actual being there. It felt too real to be a dream, the feeling of his arms wrapped around you grounding you in the beautiful reality of the moment.

#stiles stilinski #stiles stilinski imagine #teen wolf imagine #dylan obrien imagine #teen wolf

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heartbeath0tel · 2 months ago

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Who is this DIVA?

#Angel Hour | Loki Reposts #Bieber Bed | Raine Speaks

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yakumtsaki · 7 years ago

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Well, well, well, look who’s back with the most morally repugnant update in Union history. Me. It’s been a very productive summer of Netflix, chill and giving wrong directions to tourists but all good things must come to an end. Also coming to an end is my ill-fated attempt to kill Max, who, after refusing to eat the cake FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS is finally released from the cage of death. Honestly, I’m impressed, Max, you’re definitely not as stupid as you look.

-Yea, I get that a lot.

I doubt that but whatever, now gtfo and I better not see your Komei-clone ass around Jojo ever again or it’s back in prison for you!

-So, Jojo, not that we’re not all extremely invested in the excruciating selection process of your husband, but are you any closer to picking one?? I mean I love this whole commune thing we have going but the constant food delivery for 8 is killing us.

-We’re afraid not, dear brother, it’s starting to look like no one in this world is worthy of our majesty.

Ugh are we really doing royal ‘we’ now? Is this what this has come to?

-Yes, college has really helped develop our sense of self-worth.

How can it be self-worth if you’re ‘we’?

-This is exactly the kind of idiotic questioning that would get you eliminated from the suitor process.

Oh, perish the thought! And miss out on this classical-music-dick-measuring-contest you have them doing?

-Ew seriously, Francis, Vivaldi? Why don’t you turn up to Justin Bieber while you’re at it.

Man, what a zinger! Good times. JOJO PICK A FUCKING DUDE ALREADY SO I CAN MOVE THE OTHERS OUT THE LOT IS LAGGY AS SHIT

-I lost the dick measuring contest and my punishment is sleeping on the couch.

KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP MELODY

-Maybe later, Real Housewives of Pleasantview is on, Cassandra is getting dragged for the pigtails!!

-Ha, look at this Vivaldi-listening losér! Point at him and laugh, everyone!

-Who’s laughing now, bitch? Not you with that hoof right in your French-whore mouth!

-Ugh, aren’t you late for the beans-on-toast feast, you limey piece of merde?

Not since the 100 Years War have French-British tensions ran this high. Of course that one was for a throne, while this one..

-Is for something far more important.. Our heart.

LMAO Jojo please be serious, you don’t have a heart.

-We absolutely do and it’s made out of pure gold.

Yea I guess, I mean gold is a metal after all!

-Do you really think you should be eating decaying Chinese food, mon cheri? You’re going to need a soda to digest it and you know it’s too cold for your teeth!

-Wyatt, I don’t pay you to think, I pay you to sit across from me and look pretty, and occasionally to scooch down next to me so I look taller.

-You actually don’t pay me at all.

-Yes and obviously I’m getting my money’s worth.

Wow Jojo tone it down, your gold heart is shinning so brightly I’m gonna go blind!

Precious Gunther has added three new addictions to his existing sex one! A) working out in this atrocious outfit.

B) blowing bubbles from dawn to dusk.

and c) and the most disturbing one, constantly being alone in enclosed spaces with his brother’s intended, Brit Brit. At first I wasn’t too worried about it, thinking Brit is a popularity sim so it’s only natural..but then..

I SEE THIS. GODDAMMIT GUNTHER WHY MUST YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE

-Man idk, it’s almost supernatural. Blame it on God ;)

UGH I don’t even know who I hate more, your whore ass-

-or this fucking llama that hasn’t gone home in 3 days and is eating all our pizza.

-I just feel so accepted here, like I’m part of the family, you know?

GET OUT

Speaking of furries, not even the cow will approach the fucking cowplant, jfc. I mean you’d expect some kind of kinship there but nop. Great job Jojo, you killed a dozen secret society members for a defective cowplant.

-Mooo :(

I don’t know which one of you did that but stfu, I can’t anymore with this flop ass household!!!1

ANYWAY back to Brit and Daniel, it seems like my Gunther concerns were baseless, since these two remain eternally into each other, always autonomously doing cute crap.

-Oh Daniel, let me serenade you with the song of your people!

The kings made us drunk with fumes, peace among us, war to the tyrants! Let the armies go on strike, stocks in the air, and break ranks. If they insist, these cannibals on making heroes of us, they will know soon that our bullets are for our own generals ♪

ROMANCE ISN’T DEAD

In other news, allow me to present you all with Melody’s personality panel. I was under the false impression that being the child of Wanda and Stephen she was.. nice?? But nop, total Union freak material! We hit the jackpot once again. Now her best friendship with bitch Brit makes total sense.

-Honestly girl, this janky ass house is such a step down from the sorority, I spend half the day thinking of ways to peace out.

-Ugh I know, I was on the fence at first but can you really put a price on good d?

-Aw, what are my beautiful hens cackling about? May I join?

-No.

-I was about to make a math joke but I doubt you gals would get it, amirite? As Barbie said, math is hard!

- I’m a literal math major.

-Oh I know, Mel, good for you! Affirmative action works wonders!

KILL HIM AND HIS HAREM WE DON’T NEED THE LAG

It’s another day in paradise. Daniel has finally cracked and gone full Komei, autonomously cleaning shit even though we have a maid..

Melody ate a ton of burnt grilled cheese and is non-stop throwing up..

AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL GOING ON. STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE

-What?? We’re just talking, GAWD

No you’re not “””just talking””” you’re gossiping and doing sexy whispers, I KNOW YOUR TRICKS GUNTHER-

-I don’t mean to interrupt but I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue here?

OH AM I?? DO TELL

-LOOK OUTSIDE BITCH

Nice try whores, nothing is happening outside-

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. WHAT.

-That’s right, Ti-Ning and I are in love now!

............................FRAN THIS BETTER BE SOME DRY ASS BRITISH HUMOR

-Nop! We got tired of waiting for Jojo and we decided the best way to handle it was to suddenly make out in front of him even tho we have never even flirted before!

THIS LITERALLY CANNOT BE HAPPENING

-Well it is, so best accept it and we can all move on :)

Oh yea certainly, I mean if anything Jojo is known for his ability to forgive and forget!

See the ghost of Ti-Ning indeed! Finally a wish Jojo and I share.

TI-NING OMFG THIS LACK OF SHAME

-Haha!!! Finally I’m free to be as gross as I want >:)

Well.. enjoy it while it lasts.

-The hell does that mean??

Nothing, just you know, none of us know when our time will come.. only that it will. The curse of human existence, one might say. Only we among the animal world know that we will die. Memento mori, Ti-Ning. And we will memento you.

-..Yea, maybe it’s time I move out?

I mean, you can try..

..but like the curse from It Follows, it follows. It being Jojo. How you holding up boo?

-Oh, I’m great, can’t you tell?

You know what might help? Some of your beloved homework! Do something useful, get your mind off this stuff..

“Sending The First Human to Mercury and Leaving Him There: A Very Specific Space Exploration Proposal”

-Jojό!! I’m writing about how I finally won your heart but please don’t look, I’m gonna read this at our wedding!

-Yea I literally couldn’t care less about you and your thoughts/feelings/etc, what was left of my heart is dead and gone and now there’s only a black hole there.. Oh we could also send Ti-Ning to a black hole if Mercury doesn’t work. Nice.

-UGH how are you even still alive and breathing the same air as me and not dead from shame like you should be, you vile adulteress???

-OH PLEASE you’re just mad cause Fran and I realized we can do better than your mega-jaw ass. If not for the endless supply of bubbles around here blurring our vision this would have happened weeks ago!

-I’m going to strangle you in your sleep and my jaw will be the last thing you see.

-Your jaw would be the last thing I saw even if I died on the moon.

-MAYBE YOU WILL

.....................well I guess it’s official then. And if the above didn’t seal it..

..this definitely did. God have mercy on me, what a shitshow.

While Tin and Fran are woohooing, Jojo attempts to end his troubles once and for all by running out of the house and into a thunder fire. Thankfully the rain puts it out quickly and all we’re left with is critically low hygiene.

Man, serving Penguin teas! You have the entire look down, Jo. I’d tell you to audition for Gotham but that’s extremely bad career advice

-Oh god, I almost died!!!!

Aw I know, but don’t worry you’re safe now <3

-No I mean I came so close but didn’t make it.. :(

Jojo please, if anything, live to kill Ti-Ning and Francis. You owe it to yourself.

As soon as Fran and Tin are done, guess who rushes in to gossip next to the bed. ISTG YOU ASSHOLES, BREAK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT THAT WINDOW

-Whatever, we’d just land on Jojo trying to set himself on fire.

-LOL oh Brit you’re so funny!

I HATE THIS HOUSE

-HAD FUN, DID WE YOU SLUT

-Get him, Jojό!

Honestly Wyatt, I get being supportive but I’m really starting to worry about you, even demeaning yourself has its limits..

..especially since Jojo continues to be a massive freakshow. Good lord.

-Oh Francis, don’t tell Wyatt cause you know how he gets, but your total disregard for my existence is making me see you in a whole new, hot, light..

Man, good thing Wyatt isn’t standing 3 steps away from you!

Oh yes, loving this dinner. An ocean between us..

-I wouldn’t eat that third slice if I was you, Ti-Ning. Your funeral day is fast approaching, don’t you want to look nice for it?

-Well you’ll be there so it doesn’t matter, everyone will be looking at your jaw.

Yes, what a wonderful night. Now let’s all go to bed and hopefully everyone will have calmed down a little by tomorrow!

LMAO yea idk what I was thinking.

-Strangle me in my sleep? How about I strangle you in broad daylight???

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but.. poor Jojo. Not only did he get his ass beat, but to literally add insult to the injury-

-everyone is lusting after Gunther during his defeat. Jfc, I’d want to set myself on fire too.

Oh here we go, Gunther to the rescue!

-How dare you beat up my brother even though he attacked you first? Prepare to die!

-Whatever, I’ve been preparing for that for the last couple days!

Aw, Gunther is such a good brother/giant loser depending on the outcome of this fight.

VINDICATION. Bravo, Gunther, defending our non-existent family honor!

Daniel, in true Daniel fashion, slept through this entire shitshow, which might be the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Oop, spoke too soon. Say what you want about Gunther and Daniel but man do they both love Jojo! Truly god knows why.

-So Brit, you’re studying poli-sci, can you think of a peaceful resolution to this? Haha!

-YOU STFU TI-NING MY FINALS ARE TODAY MY GPA IS ALREADY IN THE TOILET AND NOW IM GONNA FLOP CAUSE YOU ASSHOLES SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT FUCKING AND THE WHOLE DAY FIGHTING AND I HAVEN’T SLEPT AT ALL DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL I’M GONNA BURN THIS PLACE TO THE FUCKING GROUND IF YOU TRY ME

Well, you might not need to Brit! WHAT IS UP WITH THIS HYPER-FLAMMABLE CACTUS

Brit returns from her finals with a free pizza! How’d you do, Brit?

-Saved by the nightie again!

NOICE. Got a freebie pizza from it too?

-No, I found it in the garbage. My gift to Francis and Ti-Ning for their 3 day anniversary!

Jojo’s official greek house portrait coming along nicely! Wow he looks very majestic..

..Instagram vs Real Life.

-Bowling is so satisfying if you pretend the pins are your former lovers’ genitals!

Whatever coping method works for you boo!

Gunther and Ti-Ning are officially enemies which is hilarious because not even Jojo is enemies with him?? Follow your bliss, Guns!

In an impressive display of brotherly synchronicity we have double slapping across the room. Double the slapping for half the time, Jojo is as always a true capitalist.

JOJO!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON! So proud of my baby <3 I’m ofc kidding, this shit has gotten old really fast and I extremely feel Brit watching uninterested. ENOUGH

HARD MOOD. Brit is honestly on another level than the rest of us basics. What an icon.

For some reason I bothered to fulfill Ti-Ning’s want to learn that relationship maintenance or w/e lifetime skill (talk about money down the drain) and the irony of this pop up text almost sent me to an early grave. And we know who’s going to an early grave today..

IT’S CAKE TIME. REACH OUT, TI-NING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

FINALLY. GOODBYE FIGHTING AND INSANE LAG

JESUS JOJO. STONE. COLD.

Ice Cube would like to say, that I'm a crazy muthafucka from around the way, since I was a youth, I smoked weed out, now I'm the muthafucka that ya read about, takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do, you don't like how I'm livin well fuck you ♪

Wyatt and Brit were on their way to react to Ti-Ning’s little accident but somehow got sidetracked and are now randomly arguing on the porch. Honestly I don’t even know what’s going on anymore, I’ve lost all control of this household.

Jojo rushes over to celebrate Ti-Ning’s demise by immediately slapping the shit out of his grieving lover! Whenever you think we can’t possibly sink any lower, think again. Like right now, after the slapping, are you thinking we can’t sink any lower?????????????????????????????

THINK. AGAIN.

ARE YOU SCREAMING? CAUSE I DID

YUP THIS IS HAPPENING

IT’S REAL

IT’S. REAL. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CURSE WORDS IN ANY LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS

FUCK YOU FRANCIS. FUCK. YOU. YOU’RE GETTING MURDERED SO FUCKING HARD YOU UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE. I’M FUCKING DONE. JOJO YOU’RE GONNA DIE ALONE TIME FOR ALL OF US TO ACCEPT THAT REALITY. WE STARTED OUT WITH 3 CANDIDATES AND ENDED UP HERE. HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN FRANCIS AND WYATT HAVE. 1 BOLT. ONE. WYATT IS A FAMILY SIM I’M SO PISSED OFF I NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT

OK. In my 10 years of playing I have never wanted to quit without saving more than with this bullshit. Look at fucking Fran’s smug ass face and moron Wyatt putting on an Oscar worthy performance of shock and regret. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE HOME WYATT. What the FUCK are we gonna do now???? I guess good thing Max Flexor survived the cage of death. GOD.DAMMIT

#ts2 #union legacy

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heartbeath0tel · 2 months ago

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What are the chances of a Billy Loomis introject getting continuously front-triggered by MCR. How canon or canon divergent is this. Do I need to stage an intervention or is this normal. Let’s discuss.

#bieber bed | raine speaks #billy loomis #scream 1996 #billy loomis fictive #fictive #introject #scream #scream fictive #sysblr #enraged angsty homosexual says what #is this what happens when you’re gay in the 90s #I need a parent’s guide on how to care for my Loomis

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mahvericks · 7 years ago

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Heartbreaker // Diana Prince

For anon

Request: can you do diana prince x reader base on Justin Bieber’s “Heartbreaker”? thank you!

Warning: none

A/N: I’m not good when it comes to write an imagine about a song (not like I’m good to write at all), and like I don’t like Justin Bieber at all ( Don’t hate me pls ) it’s just not the kind of song I like :/ I’m not even sure if I wrote the imagine right? Like it is what the song means? I’m not even sure lol I’m so sorry

You lived in the french capital, Paris. How fancy this was? You loved the city a lot, you lived there with your girlfriend, Diana Prince. She worked at the Louvre Museum while you had a random job. She also was Wonder Woman and had to fight the crime when it was needed. You loved Diana more than anything but she didn’t have a lot of time for you. She didn’t want to talk much since a few weeks maybe even months now. Your relationship kept being worse and even more worse. You didn’t know what to do. You loved her and you didn’t want to lose her but you weren’t sure if she still loved you.

Diana told you she wanted a break, you were shocked, heartbroken. But you let her leave, you tried to hold you tears when you watched her leave but once you couldn’t see her anymore, you cried, you cried until you fell asleep. A few days passed, you couldn’t stop thinking about her, you needed her and knowing she wasn’t there with you haunted you. Each day you tried to call her, when she answered your call she told you she didn’t have time to speak with you and then she would end a call with a “ sorry ” that was really sincere. Every time you hoped with all your heart she would answer the call, honestly you could stop hoping for her to come back, she wouldn’t go away from your thoughts.

You didn’t want to lose her, you didn’t want to lose her love, it would break your heart even more. But did she still loved you? You could only hope until you get an answer to you question. You still believed in love, for you, for her, for you two. Maybe you could do something to fix everything. You had to do something if you wanted to have a last change with Diana. You loved her so much that if you could you would give her the world. You couldn’t sleep anymore without her, the bed felt empty, your house felt empty. Everything was empty without the love of your life with you by your side.

It was raining when you decided to go to see Diana. She was alone. You prayed that she would let you speak, that she wouldn’t leave and thankfully, she did stay and let you speak this time

“ Diana, I hope you’ll understand what I’m going to tell you, I know I’m not perfect, I’m far from it but I want to be with you. And I want you to know that I still love you, with all my heart. And here I am, telling you my feelings because I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, I- I just can’t live without you, so please, I beg you, my love, give me a last chance. ”

#wonder woman #wonder woman imagine #wonder woman x reader #wonder woman imagines #diana prince #diana prince imagine #diana prince imagines #diana prince x reader #gal gadot #imagine #imagines #reader insert #dc comics imagine #dc comics imagines #dc universe #dc comics #heartbreaker #Justin Bieber #song imagine

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jujubieberbae · 8 years ago

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Psycho

What were you to do, if you found out the love of your life, was cheating on you with a woman who was prettier, skinnier and overall better in bed. Someone you had met, and known for a while.

Many people - normal people - would have left their sorry asses, and dived head deep into a new life. But people like me - who just can’t seem to let go of their one loves - do exactly what I’m doing now.

Sit at home, waiting everyday for him to come back with a large smile, and pretend I know nothing.

My husband is a man of great wealth, he owns a company many could not afford. He’s respected, reliable and overall, a good businessman. But one thing he is not, is loyal. For I had found he was cheating on me with his beautiful secretary.

My husband is CEO, Justin Bieber.

Married for years, you would think we were undeniably deeply in love with each other, and we were. But it was only a one sided party.

I don’t know when the love he had for me took a turn, or when he decided he’d begin his affair, but I knew, I wasn’t leaving him anytime soon. I loved him too much. I just couldn’t.

He dosen’t know that I know what he does behind my back, it’s been months since I found out, and during those months, a depression from deep inside grew into a blossoming black rose.

I wanted nothing more then then the old, faithful Justin back.

I pondered of the situation everyday, and tried to recognise where I had gone wrong. Was I too skinny? Too fat? Too ugly? Too short? Or was it just me in general?

I know he suspects something of me but when he’s around, I pretend to play dumb. I had changed since I found out, I don’t talk to him as much and try to stay as far away from him as possible.

Which is why I’m currently sitting down on the first floor living room window seat, while my husband is upstairs in our room. When things were better, we would cuddle up next to each other, and take advantage of the time we got alone.

Now, I avoided his every move, and tried best to keep my distance. I loved him no doubt, but I would never look at him the same.

The wine cup I swished firmly in my hand, allowed the liquid to swirl around the cup, entrancing me completely. My mind was in a completely different place, a set that was not healthy in any way shape or form.

I missed my husband, but I hated him so much at the same time.

You want to know the worst thing of it all? I work in the same office.

With a sigh, I finally allowed my eyes to draw straight towards the window in front of me, head spinning after glancing down at the glass for so long.

Was it just me or was something standing out there? I think this wine was messing with my mind. So I closed my eyes, and shook my head.

Then reopened to assure myself that nothing was there. But boy was I wrong. My whole body jumped back in shock, legs gliding off the cushioning of the window seat in a hurry.

My legs lead me further away from the window but my eyes held glued to the figure outside.

It was difficult to see over the dimly lit surrounding area and pouring rain, splashing about upon my window, but out there in the dark night stood a man with a white mask.

He wore black all over and held his form in a creepy, eerie manner. But what left me dropping my wine glass in fear, leaving it to clatter to the floor and stain the expensive white carpet was the large knife the man sported in his hand

That’s when I officially freaked, and began bolting my way towards my room.

“JUSTIN!” I yelled out, skipping ever each step.

My legs were bare, nothing on my body but a plain old white T-shirt that once upon a time belonged to Justin. My voice was shaky and cracking in fear, I was in hysterics by the time i reached our hallway.

“JUSTIN!!!” And as I slammed the door to the room open, i found him sitting upon our bed in shock, eyes glaring at me with worry present. “Justin!” I cried.

It was only a matter of seconds before I was scrambling into his arms, shuffling as far away from the door as possible. My hand lay on his chest, tears of fear running down my makeupless face.

Justin soothed my back, rubbing softly while whispering comfort into my ear. “Shh. It’s alright baby girl.”

But I was shaking. It was not alright.

“What happened?” He questioned.

It took everything for me to mutter up, but finally I managed to speak in a shaky voice “S-Someone! They were there! I saw them.”

“Hey, hey slow down.” Justin spoke. “Breath baby. Tell me what happened.”

And I listened, I took in a deep breath and spoke a little more firm. “Someone was standing by the window. A-And they were holding a knife.”

Justin’s eyes widened. “A knife?!”

And before I knew It I was leading him down the stairs towards the window seat. Slowly, the window came into view, my heart beat harshly in my chest as I crept over towards the glass. I couldn’t go on any longer and stopped in place, allowing Justin to approach the remainder of the steps.

I watched him crept over, slowly and carefully allowing his body closer to the window. Then he gasped, stepping back in a dash.

“See!” I gasped to which he suddenly shook his head.

“You spilt wine all over the carpet!”

What?

I glanced down, spotting the wine stain and shattered glass all over the place, then I was quick to step forward and glance out the window, realising the figure was now gone.

“What?! No. T-There was something there! Someone, was standing there Justin you have to believe me!” I pleaded.

Justin glared into my eyes for a second, spotting the fear and tears brimming the edges, then back down at the carpet. It was obviously something had scared me enough to have dropped the glass right against the floor.

Justin knew I was neat freak and would never allow something like this to happen. He sighed. “I believe you saw something. Just maybe not a man.” He spoke softly.

“Are you calling me crazy?” I whispered.

“No! O-Of course not Y/N.”

I continued. “Because I’m not crazy Justin! I know what I saw!”

“Y/N.” Justin began. “I think you should see a therapist.”

“What?!” I spat.

He rubbed a hand down his face, sighing in the process “I don’t know- I mean. You’ve been different lately. We used to be so close, your sadder, more distant. Now this? I think It’s best you see someone. For your own sake.”

I was furious. “’I’M NOT FUCKING CRAZY JUSTIN!” I exclaimed “I don’t need to see anybody!”

“Y/n,” Justin tried to reach out to me, but I was quick to step back. There was no way I was going to let those dirty, unfaithful hands touch me again.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I cried.

Justin was taken aback by my outburst, slowly glancing between me and the window. “I’m calling Dr Copic tomorrow. Please Y/N, if your not doing this for you, then do it for me.”

And with that, he leant forward, placing a warm kiss on my head before walking up the stairs towards our room.

“Please Mrs Bieber, calm down.”

“YOU THINK I’M LYING?!”

Dr Copic sighed, proceeding to push his glasses further up his nose. “I do not think your lying Mrs Bieber.”

“Then why don’t you believe me?!” I spat.

Dr copic licked his lips. “Let me go over this Mrs Bieber, you’re telling me you think-”

I interrupted. “I know.” I growled.

“Right.” Dr Copic nodded. “You know your husband is having an affair with his co-worker. And that you saw someone outside your window last night. May I ask - do you feel, sad? Depressed in anyway?”

“Yes.” I nodded firmly.

Dr Copic lent over, jotting down some notes onto a notebook which sat firmly on his lap, and once finished, glanced up, removing his glasses from his face. “Mrs Bieber, I think I see what the problem is here.”

“Me too.” I agreed. “Your a shitty therapist.”

Dr’s eyes seemed shocked by my response, but soon brushed it off and continued. “Mrs Bieber, It seems you have a disorder called Depressive Psychosis.”

“What’s that?” I sighed.

“It’s a form of depression, and quite serious too. You hallucinate things because of hormonal imbalance in the brain, and because of your hallucinations, you feel depressed.”

My eyes squinted into thin lines, voice low “Do you think I’m crazy?”

Dr Copic shook his head. “No Mrs Bieber, Depressive Psychosis does not mean your crazy-”

“Do you even hear what your diagnosing me with? Depressive Psychosis? As in Psychotic?!”

“No Mrs Bieber-”

“I’m not crazy!” I called out once again. “I know what I saw.” My voice was strained, helpless and pleading. Dr Copic seemed hesitant, staring into my eyes with conflict, he gulped, not sure what to do before slowly leaning down into his brief bag with a sigh.

I watched intently as he searched around for awhile, then proceeded to pull out a white bottle which created a rather loud rattle. “I want you take one of these every night. It’ll help.”

And with a sigh, I slumped in my chair slightly, a tear rolling down my eye. I’m not a psycho, why doesn’t anyone believe me?

“Y/N, I know you don’t believe me, but your husband loves you, he wants to help. Take these - for him.”

Your husband loves you - it echoed in my head. I loved him too.

“I’ll take them. For him.” I agreed.

Part Two soon to come!

#justin bieber imagines #justin bieber imagine #justin bieber one shot #justin bieber one shots #justin bieber #justin bieber fake text #justin bieber smut

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motherlifesucher-archives · 8 years ago

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Canadian Boys l Shawn Mendes Imagine.

prompt: Shawn & (y/n) managed to go from ‘dream couple’ to a messy relationship in front of the cameras, and Shawn doesn’t seem to accept that his ex has decided to move on with the one and only, Justin Bieber.

Shawn could feel his cheeks heating up as Ellen started a game of Who’d You Rather.

“Rihanna or Sophia Bush?” Ellen asked and pictures of both women appeared on the screen behind him.

“Sophia Bush, no doubt.” he said confidently.

“Hmm, looks like you had your mind already done,” she teased him. “Okay, Sophia Bush or Kendall Jenner?”

“Sophia Bush.” he answered with a hint of laughter on his voice.

“Wow, you’re very sure of yourself.” Ellen said and he shrugged. “Sophia Bush or Margot Robbie?”

“Oh, no! You can’t do that!” he said making the audience laugh. “Ugh, Margot Robbie.” he answered and the audience ooh-ed.

“Margot Robbie or Camila Cabello?” Ellen asked and Shawn shook his head.

“Camila is a friend, so…” he started but the host interrupted him.

“She sure is,” Ellen said, earning laughs from the audience. “So, Camila or…”

“You didn’t let me finish!” Shawn complained laughing.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s my show,” Ellen joked. “Camila Cabello or (y/n) (y/l/n)?”

Shawn felt his cheeks heating up profusely. “They both are very good friends…”

“Oh, is there something you aren’t telling me, Shawn?” Ellen asked.

“No! Of course no.”

“Then answer the question.” Ellen said smiling and looking to the screen where there was Camila and you.

Shawn bit the inside of his cheek. “(y/n), she’s amazing.” he answered and everyone seemed happy with his answer.

“Then I guess we have a winner!” Ellen announced as another picture of you filled the large screen. “Shawn Mendes everybody!”

You could hear the screams of your boyfriend’s fans on the hotel room.

You admired his profile as he carefully typed a response to his manager or someone. Of course the fans didn’t have any idea that you were on bed with the boy of their dreams, though there had been some rumors, there wasn’t pictures or messages that could prove you were a couple.

Or at least until that day.

“God, I wish we could go hiking or something.” you said getting up from the bed and walking around the room.

“Maybe we can figure something out, we still have two more days, and I don’t plan on spending them here.” Shawn chuckled, leaving his phone on the bedside table.

“There are a lot of fans there.” you pointed out as you walked closer to the window.

“Don’t get too close, you never know if they have cameras with good lens or anything.”

“We are literally on the last floor, I doubt it.” you said before going back to your boyfriend.

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he chuckled as he circled his arms around your waist. “What’s your schedule for next week?” he asked and you let out a deep breath.

“James Corden, and some radio interviews…”

“I’m going to miss you, four days isn’t enough.” Shawn said leaving a trail of kisses from your forehead to your lips, making you giggle.

“Well, my promo days will be over in a couple of weeks, then I’ll be able to keep you some company, and when my tour starts you’ll have more free days so I think we’ll be just fine.” you kissed the tip of his nose.

“Sometimes I want to take a microphone and tell everyone that you’re my girlfriend, I want boys to stop hitting on you and trying to get your attention, and let them know that you’re mine, but then we’re here, just the both of us and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Shawn confessed.

You smiled and pecked his lips. “Only time will tell, let’s enjoy each other right now.”

You were on the side of the stage with Shawn’s team as he performed. You couldn’t erase the smile that formed on your lips until you felt your phone vibrating; you decided to ignore it at first but it wouldn’t budge. Silently complaining you picked up and saw your manager’s name on the screen, which couldn’t mean good news.

“Hello? I’m at a concert so I can’t really hear you.”

“I know you’re in the middle of a concert, and that you were on Shawn’s room.”

“What?” you said slightly panicking.

“Someone got pictures of you hanging on Shawn’s room, and now as we’re talking people are taking pictures of you and posting them. You and Shawn are trending topic on Twitter right now.”

“You’re kidding.” you said out of breath.

“Secret’s out.”

“So, tonight we have the amazing (y/n) with us!” James Corden presented you.

You greeted everyone before taking a seat. “Thank you so much for having me!”

“You know you’re one of my favorite guests, we love you here.” James sincerely said, making your smile grow.

“Oh, you’re so sweet! and I love everyone here, you always make me feel so welcome so thank you!”

“Well… Since we have such a good relationship, how about you answer me some questions.” James said with a mischievous glint on his eyes.

“That’s what we are here for, aren’t we?” you said rubbing your hands together.

“How’s your life been?” James asked and you arched an eyebrow, expecting a more personal question.

“It’s been good! Very busy, but I’m very happy with everything that’s going on right now.”

“Have you been traveling a lot?” he asked and you had to control every muscle on your face because you had just discovered where was this going.

“Just the usual,” you shrugged.

“I’m asking because I came across some very interesting pictures of yourself in a hotel in Japan, with some very interesting companion.”

“Tokyo is one of the most beautiful cities in the world, I was around and had to pay a quick visit.” you smiled trying to get past the obvious subject.

“And you just happened to be there, on the same hotel room as Shawn Mendes, and you just happened to be on the side of the stage as he performed…” James said and the audience whistled.

You could feel your cheeks heating up. “We are very good friends, he’s an incredibly talented guy.”

“Oh, so you know about his talents…” he said raising his eyebrows suggestively, and by now you were sure your cheeks were red as a tomato.

“Of course I do, just as the rest of the world!” you said hiding your face between your hands.

“You seem pretty nervous there, my friend.” James said finding it hilarious.

“You are putting me on the spot, stop it!” you said laughing, though you really wanted the interview to be over.

“Well, then come here with me to play one of my favorite games…” James announced standing up.

“Oh, please don’t say it.” you said even though you knew what was coming.

“This is ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts’ with (y/n) (y/l/n)!”

So much for a quiet week.

You found yourself at Shawn’s apartment in New York, it was heavily raining outside while Modern Family was playing on the tv. You didn’t notice when Shawn appeared from behind and started reading, what you later assumed, was an article.

“Pop sensations Shawn Mendes and (y/n) (y/l/n) seem to be Hollywood’s latest couple. After been spotted several times together, it’s obvious to everyone that they are an item, even if they haven’t said a word about their status. It’s impossible to not recall the early stages of power couples like Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, or Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. What are they waiting for to confirm their love?” Shawn finished reading as he showed you different photos of the two of you hanging out.

You sighed. “We knew this was going to happen eventually.”

“Yeah, but I just don’t want the media to ruin this… It’s been the most amazing six months, and I really don’t want them to screw it up.” he said ruffling his hair.

You motioned for him to come over you, he sighed and placed his back against your chest. “Baby, they’re not going to ruin what we have. Nothing’s going to change, maybe it’s going to be for the better that people know.” you said playing with his curls.

Shawn stayed silent for a moment before speaking up: “Let’s go together to the AMAs.”

Your eyes widened slightly, clearly not expecting that. “What?”

“Let’s be each other’s date… That way we won’t have to say anything, we’ll just take pictures and look cute.”

“What is Andrew going to say? and, God, what is Andrea gonna say?” you said naming both of your managers.

“I think they can deal with it.” he kissed your lips softly.

You spent some time kissing and feeling each other until you fixed your eyes on his.

“I think I love you.” you said quietly.

“I don’t think I do…” he paused. “I’m a hundred percent sure I’m ridiculously in love with you.”

And that was all both you and Shawn needed to hear to be alright.

Silence filled the car as you approached the theater where the AMAs were being held.

Shawn held your hand tightly on his while drawing circles with his thumb, yet that didn’t seem to calm either of you down.

“You look beautiful.” Shawn said quietly.

You let out a nervous laugh. “Thanks. You look so hot I don’t think I can deal with it.”

“We’ll be okay, don’t worry about it.” Shawn assured you.

“Do you think we can go to McDonald’s or something after the show?” You said looking up at him.

Shawn let out a deep laugh. “Whatever makes you happy, babe.”

“Good.” you said giving him your best smile.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Shawn whispered as you could sense that you were getting closer to the place.

“We’ll have plenty of time tonight.” you said placing your hand on his thigh.

“Oh, don’t even doubt it.”

The car came to a stop. You stood there for good five minutes until someone opened the door for you. Shawn got out first and stretched his hand for you to take it. The flashes were blinding, but you still managed to fix your dress and hair.

A woman approached the both of you and said she was going to be guiding you. You first stopped to take some pictures while ignoring the questions that were being shout at you.

Shawn interlocked your fingers as you entered the red carpet, posing for the cameras. At first you only smiled, but then noticed Shawn was laughing softly, which made you hide your face on the crook of his neck, which made the paparazzi go crazy as you tried to hide your blushed cheeks.

You were finally reaching the end of the carpet when you felt Shawn’s hand stop on your lower back before pressing his lips to your cheek.

You were finally out of the woods, and you had never felt better.

Shawn was getting the last instructions before he heard Ellen DeGeneres present him. He put on his best smile and walked to the studio, greeted the host and the audience before taking a seat.

“So… A lot of things have been going on with you recently.” Ellen said and he nodded. “We had you on the show last year, and I have a question that’s been killing me…” Ellen said with a cheeky expression.

“Well, I’m here now so you can ask whatever you want.” he said rolling up his sleeves.

“We had you playing Who’d You Rather, and a few months later you confirmed your relationship with the winner that was the one and only, (y/n) (y/l/n).”

“That’s right.”

“When you chose her, were you already dating?” Ellen asked and the audience whistled.

Shawn smiled and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “We had just started seeing each other.” he answered truthfully.

“And how is the relationship going? I understand you two are living together?” Ellen asked and Shawn nodded.

“We decided to move in together a couple of months ago, and that’s a huge step, but we are just so sure of our relation and the love we have for each other that it felt like it was the right thing to do.” Shawn answered and everyone aw-ed.

“That’s so sweet,” Ellen complimented. “You two look really good together.” she said and several pictures of the both of you appeared.

“Thank you,” Shawn said with a smile. “She’s an incredible girl, and I’m just lucky to have her in my life.” he answered trying not to say too much.

“I really hope to hear from you very soon. Shawn Mendes everybody!.”

Nine Months Later.

“Shawn, I’ve been calling you the entire day. I was worried.” you said to him once he entered your shared apartment.

“I was out with the boys, don’t sweat it.”

“You know I enjoy it when you go out with the boys, I just wish you’d let me know so I wouldn’t be worrying about you.” you said keeping your voice low.

“You don’t have to worry about me, (y/n). God, you sound like my mother.” he said walking to the kitchen.

You sighed and shook your head before walking to your bedroom.

“Shawn Mendes cheating on (y/n)? After two years of being together, it looks like Hollywood’s favorite couple is falling apart. Shawn Mendes was seen leaving a very all-known club in Hollywood with the one and only, Camila Cabello while his girlfriend is in Europe promoting her latest album. Is this the end for the love birds?” you finished reading one of the hundreds of articles that were online.

You tried to control your tears as pictures of Shawn and Camila filled your timeline. You didn’t know if you were angry or sad, but of course you couldn’t just ignore the way your boyfriend’s hand was on her waist as he guided her through the crowd of fans and reporters while you were eon the other side of the world.

Your team had been trying to cheer you up the entire day. You hadn’t been able to catch any sleep and it was already time to head to the airport, and Shawn hadn’t texted or called.

You were talking with some people of your team as you waited on the line for passport control when your phone started vibrating. You picked it up and saw your boyfriend’s name on the screen. The team’s eyes where on you as you sighed and picked up.

“Hey, I’m kind of busy.” you answered dryly.

“Whoa, babe. I was calling because I missed you.” he said and you could feel the angry tears forming on the corner of your eyes.

“You miss me now that you’re alone, or what?” you said harshly and could picture him frowning.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not saying you’re cheating on me or anything, but forgive me if I’m angry that there are photos of my boyfriend with another girl flooding the internet.”

“You can’t be serious.” Shawn said on disbelief.

“No, you can’t be serious! You don’t call me on three fucking days and expect me to be all cheerful after all I’ve been receiving lately are pictures of you with other girls, and all I’ve heard is people saying my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me!” you said raising your voice and noticed your team gathered around you so it wouldn’t draw much attention.

“You’re acting crazy, stop being a drama queen.”

At this point the tears were running freely down your cheeks. “I’m so done with you, Shawn. and I mean it.”

“Break up with me, then.”

“You know what? Maybe I will.” you said and cut the call.

Soon you felt several arms engulfing you in hugs and drying your tears.

Three weeks later you had arrived at your shared apartment with Shawn.

You didn’t want to come in at first.

Everyone had assumed you had broken up, and to be honest, you weren’t very sure if you were still together since you hadn’t spoken to him in three weeks.

You left your suitcase on the living room and in a matter of seconds Shawn appeared.

“You’re back.” he said on whisper.

“Yeah… I thought you were in LA.”

“Oh, the interview got cancelled…” he said looking a bit disappointed. “Why? You didn’t want to see me?”

“I’m not very sure.” you confessed.

“Baby…” he said taking a step towards you. “I’m so sorry. Nothing happened between Camila and I, or any of the other girls on the pictures for that matter. You’re the only one I love, and I’m sorry if I made you doubt that, but please don’t leave me.” he said and his voice cracked while his eyes welled up.

That was all it took for you to wrap his arms around him and mix his lips with yours.

Three weeks had passed since you had come back to your home and your friends decided to have a girls night at a fancy restaurant, and you happened to cross paths with Nick Jonas and some of his friends.

You greeted each other and after some talking, you decided to join their table and enjoy the night together.

Of course there was paparazzi waiting for you outside. Your friends left the restaurant first and walked to the car, meanwhile you and Nick were the last to leave, and paparazzi seemed to love the fact that they were going to have some juicy pictures on their power, even if they meant nothing.

“I hope the pictures don’t get you much trouble.” Nick told you as you said your goodbyes.

“Don’t worry about it. We had an incredible night, I hope to see you soon!”

“Thanks, you too.” and with that he disappeared on his car.

You got inside the car where your friends where waiting for you. You opened your phone and decided to text Shawn immediately to avoid trouble.

‘Hey, there might be some pictures of me with Nick, and some other people, don’t pay attention to them! Love you! xx.’

It didn’t take longer than five minutes for Shawn to respond.

‘Not pay attention to them? You realize that everything about this text is wrong, right?’

You sighed and closed your eyes. Something clearly wasn’t working, but you didn’t want to admit it out loud.

You and Shawn had been fighting all week, but you had an event to attend together and you didn’t have much of a choice but to put on your best smiles and try to make people not notice that nothing on your relationship was working.

You wanted to cry as you both took a seat on your assigned table. You didn’t even bother to look at who was going to seat next to you as Shawn was engrossed on a conversation with a middle-aged woman and her famous husband.

Two boys came to the table and greeted everyone, the only empty seat was the one next to you, and in a couple of minutes a flushed Justin Bieber appeared.

“Sorry, I’m late. Traffic.” he apologized as he waved his hand.

“It’s okay, nothing very interesting has happened.” you said and Justin looked at you.

“Hey, but if it isn’t (y/n) (y/l/n)! I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time, but we never seem to cross paths.” he said and you were surprised, to say the least.

“The feeling is mutual.” you said and thanked that the room was dark, otherwise he would’ve noticed the light red on your cheeks.

“Hey mate, it’s been a while.” Shawn said for what it felt like the first time in days for you.

“Oh, I hadn’t seen you! My bad.” Justin said shaking hands with Shawn.

Shawn’s hand didn’t leave your thigh for the rest of the night, but that didn’t stop you from laughing with Justin the entire night, and you hated to admit that it felt like the first time you were having a genuine laugh for weeks. You could feel the cameras on you every time Justin cracked a joke, and you were sure people could notice Shawn’s discomfort but at this point you couldn’t careless, you were feeling happy for the first time months, and you didn’t want it to stop.

“God, I didn’t think I was going to have such an amazing time tonight!” Justin said when the event was over. “We have to meet each other again. Here, let me give you my number.”

You could feel Shawn practically shaking with rage behind you, but you couldn’t suppress the smile as Justin said goodbye and left with the boys he had come with.

Shawn didn’t say a word the entire ride home, and you didn’t want to break the silence to be honest. You were unzipping your dress when Shawn appeared from behind you.

“What the fuck happened tonight?” Shawn asked frustrated.

“Sorry?” you said at his tone.

“I said, what the fuck happened tonight that you flirted with him in front of me!” Shawn said fuming with rage.

“Don’t yell at me.”you said not raising your voice. “and I hardly think he was flirting with me so calm down.”

“I’ll yell if I fucking want to! Because what you did tonight was low! and maybe he wasn’t flirting with you, but you were!”

“Oh, what I did tonight? How about the fact that you haven’t paid attention to me in weeks, and I’ve been feeling like crap because somewhere along the way you stopped caring for me or whatever!”

“Don’t play victim, (y/n) because I swear to God…”

“I felt happy for the first time in weeks today, Shawn. And I’m sorry, but this is not working.” you said emphasizing with your hands.

“Oh, so your taking the easy way out. Blaming me for everything that’s going on.”

“I’m not blaming you, Shawn. I’m blaming us! This is not healthy, and you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed that!” you said with your eyes full of tears as Shawn refused to look at you.

“I love you, this is just a rough patch.” he muttered.

“Is it? Because it doesn’t feel right to me, no matter how much I love you.” you confessed and Shawn took a deep breath.

“So what? You’re going to leave me?” he said and you were surprised that you were able to hear him.

“I think we should take a break.” you told him and noticed all the air leave his lungs.

“Okay, then…” he shrugged his shoulders. “Just… tell me if this is forever, or just temporary, please.”

“I don’t know, but don’t make this harder, please.”

“Text me when you’re not here so I can pick up my things, or I’ll send someone… I’ll figure something out.”

Those were the last words that left his mouth before slamming the door.

“Shawn, it’s full of paparazzi outside, and I don’t think they’ll be nice.” Andrew told Shawn who was staring at the wall.

Pictures of you with the one and only Justin Bieber had appeared on the internet, and though you weren’t holding hands or anything, everybody knew what that meant.

Shawn noticed the way he guided you through the crowd with his hand on your waist, just like he did.

Shawn noticed the smile on your face as you watched him perform from the side stage, just like you had with him.

Shawn noticed the way Justin blushed when he was asked about you, just like he did when you were brought up in an interview.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before speaking: “Let’s go.” he said getting up and earning pity glares from everyone in the room, and he couldn’t stand it.

He walked outside and soon was blinded by the camera flashes;

‘Shawn, is it true that you cheated on (y/n) with Camila?’

‘Shawn, is it true that (y/n) had an abortion and that’s why you broke up?’

Just a few more steps, Shawn thought. A few more steps and I’ll be inside the car.

Just when he reached the black SUV, he heard the worst question:

‘How does it feel to know that the whore of your girlfriend is now fucking Bieber?’

He didn’t have control of his body as he walked to the reporter.

“What the fuck did you just say?” he was ready to punch the guy. “What the fuck did you just say?! Repeat it, come on!” he shouted but soon felt two arms dragging him away.

“Man, not now. Come on.” he heard Geoff’s voice.

“You know I’m telling the truth!” the paparazzi shouted, enjoying the reaction he had gotten.

“Shut the fuck up or I’m going to beat the hell out of you!” Shawn yelled as he saw the reporter laugh.

“Shawn! Enough!” Andrew said and got him inside the car.

He felt the car moving and he couldn’t control the tears.

Six Months Later

“Justin Bieber and (y/n) (y/l/n) were captured sharing kisses and hugs in a yacht in Miami with their closest friends and even family. It looks like after Selena Gomez and Abel Tesfaye confirmed their relationship, Justin Bieber and (y/n) decided to do the same, leaving Shawn Mendes the only harmed in this complicated situation, after he and teen sensation broke their relationship of two years.” Shawn read on his phone while he was lying on his hotel room in Japan.

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. He had been in this very same hotel room with her, and they were happy. He never imagined it was going to end the way it did.

He opened your Instagram account and noticed there weren’t pictures of you and him, but he knew you liked to leave little clues, and that clue was a photo of you with a small silky terrier on a yacht, he opened and saw the caption “ @estherthecutie is the cutest thing in the world.” and the comments were filled with messages like “she is the cutest or her dad is the cutest?”, “how could you leave Shawn smh you stupid bitch”, “what a fame whore”, “I thought you and Shawn were perfect but you and Justin are just way better.”

He wanted to throw his phone against the wall and see it break into a thousand pieces, but he still had some sense on his mind… or so he thought before he found himself dialing the number he knew by heart.

Five rings later, he was able to hear her beautiful voice.

“Hello?”

“(Y/N), hey… It’s Shawn.” he said and he felt like he couldn’t breath.

“I know… Is everything okay?”

“Why him?” he asked on the verge of tears, again.

“Shawn...”

“No… Please tell me what is it that he has that I don’t. How come he is making you smile and I’m not?” his voice broke.

“Shawn, please don’t do this…”

“I love you, and you took my heart and threw it away like it meant nothing.”

“You know I never wanted to hurt you...” you said through the phone, and Shawn knew your words were genuine.

“But you did!” he raised his voice. “Dammit, you took something from me and I don’t know how to get it back! I need you.”

“You don’t, Shawn. You can be happy without me, you have to be happy. You deserve it, please don’t do this to yourself.”

Shawn released a bitter chuckle. “It’s so easy for you to say, with your perfect new boyfriend who takes you on vacation and lets you babysit his dog.”

“Shawn, I’m going to hang up now.”

“Does he make you happy?” he asked.

“You don’t have to do this.” you insisted.

“I need to know, so I can move on… Does he make you happy? Does he treat you well?”

You sighed before answering: “Yes, he makes me very happy.”

“Okay, then… Goodbye, (y/n).”

and with that he cut the call.

and it felt like he could breath again, like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

You were keeping Justin company on the South American leg of his tour.

You had gone hiking in Chile, and now you had been chilling on the beaches of Rio, and now you were driving somewhere in Brazil. it was a deserted road, but the air hitting your skin made you feel complete as you heard your boyfriend singing the words of a song that was playing on a random Brazilian radio station.

He had his hand on your thigh as he hummed to the song. Then someone started speaking in Portuguese, which made you chuckle because you couldn’t understand much, but then the chords to a very known song started playing.

I won’t lie to you

I know he’s just not right for you

Justin chuckled before asking. “Should we change it?”

“No, it’s okay.” you laughed.

Shawn’s voice filled the car, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The song came to an end but in a matter of seconds the song It Ain’t Me started playing, and this time none of you could contain the giggles escaping your lips.

“You have to be kidding me, oh my God.” Justin laughed, throwing his head back.

“Turn it up,” you said, barely able to contain your laughter.

You just kept driving with the sunset on filling your view. The catchy beat was the only thing heard, and even when the song came to an end, neither you or Justin said something for a while.

“Can you treat me better than he can?” you asked Justin, making him stare at you.

“You’re kidding.” he asked laughing.

“Answer the question!” you said hitting his shoulder softly.

“I think I can manage to do that…” he answered jokingly. “What about you?”

“Sorry?”

“Are you going to rock me when the sun won’t let me sleep?” he asked you barely containing his giggles.

“I think I can work something out.” you answered before you both exploded in a fit of giggles.

“God, I love you so much.” Justin said placing his hand on your thigh.

and in that moment you knew you were okay, and you knew that he was going to be okay, too.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes one shot #justin bieber imagine

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foruwithallmyheart-blog · 6 years ago

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as minhas partes favoritas de cada música da playlist - parte 2

“my persuasion can build a nation, endless power with our love we can devour. you'll do anything for me. who run the world? girls!” - run the world (girls) - beyoncé

“when i see your face there's not a thing that i would change, cause you're amazing just the way you are. and when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, cause, girl, you're amazing just the way you are.” - just the way you are - bruno mars

“a vida me ensinou a nunca desistir, nem ganhar, nem perder, mas procurar evoluir. podem me tirar tudo que tenho, só não podem me tirar as coisas boas que eu já fiz pra quem eu amo, e eu sou feliz e canto e o universo é uma canção e eu vou que vou. histórias, nossas histórias, dias de luta, dias de glória.” - dias de luta, dias de glória - charlie brown jr

“ainda vejo o mundo com os olhos de criança aue só quer brincar e não tanta "responsa", mas a vida cobra sério e realmente não dá pra fugir. livre pra poder sorrir, sim, livre pra poder buscar o meu lugar ao sol.” - lugar ao sol - charlie brown jr

“just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times, we gotta get away from here. just stop your crying, it'll be alright, they told me that the end is near, we gotta get away from here. just stop your crying, have the time of your life, breaking through the atmosphere, and things are pretty good from here. remember everything will be alright. we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here.” - sign of the times - harry styles

“when you can't wait any longer, but there's no end in sight, when you need to find the strength, it's the faith that makes you stronger. the only way you get there is one step at a time. we take one step at a time, there's no need to rush, it's like learning to fly or falling in love. it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen. that we find the reasons why one step at a time.” - one step at a time - jordin sparks

“you know that i care for you, i’ll always be there for you, i promise i'll just stay right here. i know that you want me too, baby, we can make it through anything, cause everything's gonna be alright. through the sorrow and the fights, don't you worry, cause everything's gonna be alright.” - be alright - justin bieber

“it didn’t matter how many times i got knocked on the floor, you knew one day i would be standing tall, just look at me now. cause everything starts from something, but something would be nothing, nothing if your heart didn't dream with me. where would i be if you didn't believe?” - believe - justin bieber

“life is worth living, so live another day. the meaning of forgiveness, people make mistakes, only God can judge me. life is worth living again.” - life is worth living - justin bieber

“i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly, i’ll do what it takes 'til i touch the sky. and i'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway. out of the darkness and into the sun, but i won't forget all the ones that i love. i’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.” - breakaway - kelly clarkson

“i know that goodbye means nothing at all, comes back and makes me catch her every time she falls. tap on my window, knock on my door, i want to make you feel beautiful... i don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved.” - she will be loved - maroon 5

“hoje pode até chover, porque ela só quer paz. hoje ela só quer paz.” - ela só quer paz - projota

“hoje eu pude ver de perto que um coração aberto torna tudo mais fácil de acontecer. eu abro as asas e preparo a alma pra respirar.” - respirar - sandy

“the sun goes down and it comes back up‪, the world it turns no matter what‬. if it all goes wrong, darling, just hold on.” - just hold on - steve aoki feat louis tomlinson

“cause every night i lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head, a million dreams are keeping me awake. i think of what the world could be, a vision of the one i see, a million dreams is all it's gonna take. a million dreams for the world we're gonna make.” - a million dreams - the greatest showman

“how do we rewrite the stars? say you were made to be mine? nothing can keep us apart, cause you are the one i was meant to find. it’s up to you, and it's up to me, no one can say what we get to be. and why don't we rewrite the stars? changing the world to be ours.” - rewrite the stars - the greatest showman

“you're feeling nervous, having your doubts, don't be embarrassed if you don't fit in the crowd, keep standing tall and hold your ground, show them it's not okay to let them kick you down.” - sexy lady - jessie j

“healing and patience are lovers, don't place the blame on your heart just to make them stop. just take your time to recover, cause it's easier said than done.” - easier said - alessia cara

“there's a hero if you look inside your heart, you don't have to be afraid of what you are. there’s an answer if you reach into your soul, and the sorrow that you know will melt away.” - hero - mariah carey

“if you’re lonely and need a friend and troubles seem like, they never end. just remember to keep the faith and love will be there to light the way. anytime you need a friend, i’ll be here, you’ll never be alone again, so don’t you fear. even if you're miles away, i'm by your side.” - anytime you need a friend - mariah carey

“take your make-up off, let your hair down, take a breath, look into the mirror, at yourself... don't you like you? cause i like you.” - try - colbie caillat

“i got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cause i am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar. louder, louder than a lion, cause i am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar.” - roar - katy perry

“strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night. streetlight people, living just to find emotion. hiding somewhere in the night... don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling, streetlight people.” - don’t stop believin’ - glee cast

“when the night falls on you, you don't know what to do, nothing you confess could make me love you less. i'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you, i’ll stand by you.” - i’ll stand by you - glee cast

“you are beautiful no matter what they say, words can't bring you down. you are beautiful in every single way, words can't bring you down, so don't you bring me down today.” - beautiful - glee cast

“little darling, the smiles returning to their faces. little darling, it seems like years since it's been here. here comes the sun.” - here comes the sun - glee cast feat demi lovato

“for though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see. there will be an answer, let it be.” - let it be - glee cast

“i’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder. tell her she's beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn't see. you gotta speak up, you got to shout out and you know that right here, right now. you can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you want to be: little me.” - little me - little mix

#músicas #from me #playlist #inspiração

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jhoseokslut · 8 years ago

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Soaked

Six times Jimin was jealous and one time he didn’t have to be.

Jimin x reader

Genre: fluff (tiny amount of angst?)

Warnings: swearing

Rated: T (teen) for some kissing *eyebrow wiggle*

To set the mood, try listening to One Direction’s “I wish” and/or Justin Bieber & Rascal Flatts’ “That should be me” because why the hell not?

Your name: submit What is this?

The first time Jimin was jealous, was a thursday. They were doing stage rehearsals for their upcoming concert. All the boys were backstage monitoring themselves, when they heard you were coming. Of course, like usual, they were thrilled by the news - so thrilled they decided to surprise you when you visited, or more like Jungkook, Taehyung and Jin decided that.

Jimin was sitting on the sofa tweeting to ARMY’s that he was excited for the concert. He had filmed a short video of himself with a bunny filter on. The usual. He didn’t notice what the boys had planned so he himself was surprised when you walked through the door and squeaked with surprise when a coffee cup, that had been filled with water, fell from above you and completely soaked your hair and sweater. The boys doubled over from laughter, but fell completely silent when you sent them an intense glare. The only one who didn’t stop laughing was Jungkook who just sauntered over and ruffled you hair while he cackled evilly. “You can borrow my hoodie” he said and threw it at you.

Jimin seethed, how could he be so disrespectful? He was going to have a real talk with that kid, but first he had to take care of you. He grabbed one of the clean towels they use to wipe their sweat with and started dabbing your hair dry. You smiled thankfully at him and his heart fluttered in his chest.

“How come I’m younger than all of you but I’m the most mature?” you mumbled slightly laughing. Jimin was glad you didn’t sound too angry, you were never angry with them.

“I’m gonna teach that kid a lesson I swear to god, I wish he wasn’t physically superior compared to me otherwise I would have beat his ass already” you grumbled and looked over Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin didn’t need to ask to know where you were looking, he could feel Jungkook’s presence.

“I know!” you exclaimed but lowered you voice “I’m gonna kiss him, he’s acting cocky now but can you just imagine his face? He won’t be able to look me in the eye for days” you whispered and wiggled your eyebrows wickedly. Jimin almost choked on his saliva and had to double check your expression to see if you were joking. You weren’t. Jimin felt his stomach churn with the sight of you on your toes pressing your lips against Jungkook’s. He had to bite his tongue hard not to go strangle the kid. Instead he looked you straight in the eyes and clenched his jaw before speaking

“Do. Not. Kiss. Him” he spoke heatedly but you only grinned at him. “Aw, someone’s a little jealous huh?” Jimin swallowed nervously, had he been too obvious?

“Don’t worry I’m sure that if you ask nicely, Jungkook will allow you a kiss on the cheek” you laughed and Jimin threw the towel in your face acting like he was annoyed with you, but really, it was to hide his relief.

The second time Jimin was jealous, was a monday morning in february where the boys minus Yoongi and Jin, were out playing snowball fight in the park close to their dorms. You had gotten up at the ass crack of dawn to take the subway because both you and the boys were off schedule that day. By the time you had gotten all of the boys out of bed and into warm clothing, the gentle snow that had been there since you woke up had now covered everything in a thick layer of white.

The second you arrived at the park, Namjoon had picked up a snowball and thrown it right in the back of your scarf covered neck. Not long after you were all stumbling around giggling and throwing snow at each other. At some point Jimin noticed you and Namjoon were standing very close, with his arms around you while you were struggling to catch your breath after he had chased you down. He placed a giant pile of snow on top of your head and howled with laughter as you let out a shrill scream. Jimin watched with clenched fists as Namjoon pushed the soaked hair behind your ears and cupped your red cheeks with his big hands. You looked so small next to him.

Jimin wished he was the one standing so close to you and he couldn’t quite figure out why. It’s because you like her a voice sounding an awful lot like Yoongi said in the back of his mind.

A snowball hit his face, distracting him from his thoughts and maybe he threw the next snowball a little too harshly and ended up almost blinding Hoseok. He’d survive.

The third time Jimin was jealous, you were at the supermarket with him and Jin. You were planning on making a nice warm dinner here in the cold wintertime with the boys since you hadn’t seen them in a while. You were walking in the candy aisle with Jin, while Jimin was standing to the off side watching you. Apparently Jin had said one of his dad jokes, but Jimin couldn’t laugh because he saw you grab onto Jin’s arm with your delicate fingers while you wheezed with laughter.

You hadn’t noticed the yellow sign warning you that the floor was slippery, so you did an exaggerated dance and slipped. Jimin almost yelled out in shock but it got stuck in his throat when Jin’s arm slid around your waist to steady you and let it stay there even when you had picked all the ingredients and were ready to pay. Why did you let him touch you like this, why didn’t you do anything to stop him? It’s not like you were dating?

Jimin was bitter for the rest of the day but no one said anything. He had been rather cranky for weeks now and the boys had given up on trying. They were giving him some space.

The fourth time Jimin was jealous the snow had disappeared and was replaced with rain. Jimin and Jungkook had been at dance practice till late and were on their way back to the dorms when it started pouring down like Noah’s ark.

You had taken the bus that day so you had to run from the bus stop to the dorms, and of course you had arrived with your clothing and hair completely soaked through. Hoseok, being the caring person he is, had lent you some of his clothing and let you cuddle up to him under a warm blanket while you watched TV.

When Jimin walked into the dorms the first thing he noticed was you and Hobi looking very cozy, with your head resting over his chest and his arm around you. Jimin wanted nothing more than to yank his hyung’s hand off of you, then he noticed the clothes you were wearing. Hoseoks clothes.

Jimin rushed to get to his room where he immediately stripped and went in the shower for a very long hour, and only walked out into the living room when he had heard the door closing after you had left. He refused to talk with Hoseok the next two days which was kinda problematic, because they were learning new choreographies.

The boys had held a meeting where they spoke to Jimin about his mood but he refused to give them a reason. They all knew what the reason was but they didn’t dare touch the subject.

The fifth time Jimin was jealous, he didn’t even see you in person. It was quite a sunny day actually, and you felt that spring was slowly creeping over the city. The trees came back to life and the mornings were filled with singing birds.

Jimin didn’t like the weather or anything else at that moment to be honest. He was lying sick in bed while you and the rest of the boys were out having fun. You had originally planned to bring all of Bangtan and wanted to move it to another date when Jimin fell sick, but he refused to ruin your fun and told you to do it without him. So you went to the swimming pool without Jimin.

While he was lying there in his bed though he cursed his immune system for failing him, when he saw that Hoseok had updated Twitter with a video. Jimin clicked on it and it buffered a little before the video started playing.

It showed you standing in all you golden glory with a sinful bathing suit that showed off your curves perfectly. Jimin almost drooled but his mouth went completely dry when Taehyung with a very much bare torso picked you up in his arms and smiled down at you as you glared warningly at him before screeching as your bodies hit the water, you wrapped your arms around his neck as you couldn’t reach the bottom of the pool and that’s when the video cut off with a squeal of laughter from Hoseok.

Jimin rewatched the video again and again until his eyes were starting to sting with angry and frustrated tears. Never had he ever been so mad at himself for getting sick. He wanted to be the one you were clinging too because your feet couldn’t reach the bottom.

He felt like Hoseok in the video was laughing at him for being so pathetic.

The sixth time Jimin was jealous was a week later. He was back again working on their comeback with the others, he was dropping by Yoongi’s studio with some coffee. He had bought an americano for him because he wanted to thank him for taking care of him when he was sick, but he was too embarrassed to just say it out loud.

Coffee would have to do, but as he slowly opened the door to the studio he saw you. Smiling and staring fondly at Yoongi. You had Yoongi’s headphones covering your ears and your head was slowly nodding to the beat of the music.Your eyes lingered on Yoongi’s before drifting closed while he caressed your knee where his hand was placed. When the song had ended you looked at him gleefully and placed your hand over his.

“That was amazing Yoongi, I love it” you spoke softly and Jimin’s blood boiled. That voice was the one you used when you spoke to him. His grip on the plastic cup was so tight, it crumpled in his hand, he let go of it by reflex so the cup fell to the ground and the coffee soaked his jeans.

“Ah, shit!” he exclaimed earning your attention. “Jimin! Be careful” you rushed to help him clean the floor, Yoongi completely forgotten. He still couldn’t get the picture out of his head though..

Jimin was sitting on the sofa backstage before their comeback, he had gotten his makeup done and was now waiting for the others to be done while he went through the choreo in his head. You sat down next to him and he tensed up immediately.

“I have a question, since, you’re a guy and all” you said and turned your body towards him, he nodded slowly motioning for you to keep going.

“So, I like this guy and I think he likes me too… But he isn’t doing anything about it, he just tenses up whenever I speak to him, but gets jealous when I’m around other guys” you sighed… Jimin felt something flare in his chest, but didn’t say anything to start with. You liked someone? Who? Jimin doubted he was good enough for you since he didn’t do anything, he should have. If he really liked you.

“Are you sure he likes you too? I mean maybe he just thinks you’re nice?” Jimin had expected a worried lip bite or maybe a slight shrug. Instead you just looked rather… curious?

“Oh really? but would he get jealous then? I was thinking he might be holding himself back because he doesn’t think I like him back or maybe he’s just too shy…” you trailed off letting your eyes trail up from the point on his chest to stare directly into his eyes. Jimin swallowed and broke the eye contact to see if the others were about to be done, or if he could throw this on someone else but everyone seemed to be busy so he just sighed.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”. This time Jimin expected a smile of some sort, but instead your eyebrows furrowed and you clenched your jaw. “Jimin?” he hummed in response “Is there not anyone you like?” Jimin choked on air, and almost felt his heart leap out of his chest when he felt your warm hand rubbing his back “Uh, I mean, yeah, uh, there is.. Someone I like?” it came out as a question and you lifted an eyebrow, when Jimin just shrugged you scoffed and for a moment you looked angry “You really are blind, aren’t you?” Jimin stared confused at you and let his eyes run over your face - you looked almost… sad. Jimin could feel himself getting angry.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, what does my ability to see have to do with your stupid crush on some idiot” he hissed. You looked at him and tears had sprung in the corners of your eyes. Shit, he fucked up. “You’re right, It’s a stupid crush on some idiot” your voice wavered.

“An idiot named Park Jimin” you said and practically ran out of the room. Jimin sat there speechless. He felt like all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He barely registered what you had actually said before he was sprinting out of the room.

He didn’t catch up with you until he reached the parking lot where it was raining, once again. He saw you walking briskly towards the bus stop, and even though he was already breathless from running down the stairs he sprinted towards you and didn’t stop when he reached you, instead he ran straight into you wrapping his arms around your shoulders from behind. You gasped from the surprise, but as soon as you recovered you started struggling against his grip. Jimin let go of you, only to turn you around and press his lips against yours. This time you didn’t fight him. You could feel yourself becoming putty in his hands and he smiled into the kiss.

“Y/n” he whispered and looked at you, or tried, since there was raindrops in his lashes and his hair hang in front of his eyes. Both of you were completely soaked from top to toe but none of you seemed to care.

“Shit, I don’t even know what to say - I’m so bad at feelings and I always end up making things awkward and honestly you are so right, I am completely blind. I swear I had no idea, I guess I didn’t want to believe it or somethi-” you cut him off with a brief touch of your lips on his.

“I’m sorry I called you an idiot - but you, like, totally deserved that” you murmured and Jimin nodded in agreement before flashing his angelic smile and kissing you again. and again.

- Six times to be exact, because he did have a comeback to attend to and he knew you would be there when he finished. You had all the time in the world.

A/n: ^^ this was legit me when writing this at 4 am lol. Thanks to @fightme-bangtan for reading this through <33

#jimin #park jimin #jimin fanfic #jimin imagine #jimin scenario #jimin oneshot #jimin fluff #jimin angst #bts #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #jimin fanfiction #soaked

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tube-thoughts-blog · 7 years ago

Text

tube thoughts vol. 7

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Rifftrax presents "Cool As Ice" --1991-- *Snow aka Justin Bieber gives Bella Swan goosebumps and crotch-rocket road rash.* 3 stars with riffing or running from zero to 1 star without

"Dumb and Dumber To" ---2014--- *Sloppy seconds.* 2 stars

VH1 --sneak peak-- "Suave Says" --2014-- *A "thrilling" inside look into the post music career, current evangelical motivational speaking venture, and wealthy domestic drama of a one hit wonder pop star from wayback in 1991. Gerardo aka Rico Suave.* 1/2 a star

"That's My Boy" (2012) *Topics like underage student and teacher sexual relationships and incest are dealt with maturely by Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Vanilla Ice. Of course not, but this isn't even creatively controversial or riotously raunchy in any remarkable way. It's just another formulaic Adam Sandler movie that hits all the same notes as usual.* either zero stars or 1 star

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- -The Comedy Network- (1998) *Bemused, pertubed, fumed. These are just a few of the reactions Tom illicits from anyone not in on the joke.* 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark *"Pick the right door, and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door, and there he'll be." He being a cigar puffing, nightmarish, funhouse clown.* 3 stars

"Housebound" ---2014--- *"An active mind in an inactive environment." The Brits make a superbly spooky mystery with dry and subtle humor.* 3 stars

"Chonda Pierce On Her Soapbox" (1999) *Folksy entertainment variety and jubilee from a real life Peggy Hill.* 1 star

Buckmasters -Young Bucks- "The Misadventures of Bubba" (1992) *Near fatal hunting accidents hilarity with a Jim Varney caricature.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

"Dancing Outlaw, Jesco White" (1991) & Jesco Goes to Hollywood (1994) *''Sorrow, hatred, and madness. '' "If you wanna get to heaven, you got to raise a little hell."* Heaven for Jesco is dancing at Elvis' star on the Hollywood walk of fame and guest starring on Roseanne or huffing fumes.* 3 stars

Fargo: The Crocodile's Dilemma *"What's the policy? See, I'm sort of a student of institutions." Billy Bob Thornton can play indifferent malice like no other.* 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Sofa *Lord Snooty's couch, club card, co-opting of other people's conundrums, and crisis 'cause he can't stand to be cuddled.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

12:01 Beyond-- Christmas Special 2014 -------------------------------

*World Friendship Society - Please Just Go (music video)* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Le Passage (movie trailer): More badass than Home Alone and Rambo.* 3 stars

*Lobo for the charity "Socks for Tots" gently used socks for children at Christmas at the North Pole. Lonely odd socks for lonely odd kids.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ninja, the Mission Force: "Clam chowder can only mean a ninja challenge."* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo argues the Holiday Blues with his potted plant, Ms. Mittens.* between 2 & 2 1/2 *

*Fleischer Studios - Superman - The Arctic Giant: A kaiju nearly destroys Metropolis and swallows Lois whole.* 3 stars

*Treevenge: sentient x-mas trees turn the tables on crass Christmas celebrations and begin tearing the merry folk to shreds.* 3 stars

*Lobo fills holiday stockings full of leftover Halloween Candy.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo meets Ro-Man the Robot Monster from the 1950s B sci fi movie, at the north pole, and suggests he kidnap Santa Claus.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Reverse Pharmacology: Incredibly hilarious imagined symptoms of a placebo taken by medical test subjects under lab conditions.* close to 3 stars

*Pueblo Sleep Solutions presents 'The Bedtime Bruiser' (commercial)* 2 1/2 stars

*Don't Open Till Christmas (movie): Scotland Yard is on the case of serial slayings of Santas.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo gets an 8 track player for X Mas* 2 stars

*The Lobo (DC Comics character, not the guy from the 12:01 skits) Paramilitary Christmas Special: The Easter Bunny hires the meanest bounty hunter in the galaxy to hunt down and take out the fat man and his elves.* 3 stars

*Sleigh Runner: The Communist tradition of Christmas is put to an end by a Eastern European Rob Zombie lookalike cowboy killer.* 2 1/2 stars

*Happy Holidays to all the fans of the New Mission Impossible (tv series).* 3 stars

*"This Christmas forget milk and cookies. He wants blood." TWo Front Teeth (low budget movie trailer). The elves in this flick look pretty nightmarish and the characters, especially the black cowboy, look interesting. Interest peaked.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serial -The Crimson Ghost- Chapter 3- The Fatal Sacrifice: The Crimson Ghost's hideous high wire act.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*The metal band HEMI perform the song Dust to Dust live in a club.* close to 3 stars

*Neon Harbor presents Space Ninja the animated movie: A cyber dystopia mixed with feudal Japan. technology and swordplay eyecandy-gorgeous must see for me.* 3 stars

*Ro-Man mistakenly beheads Santa for Lobo who claims no responsibility for the death of the mythical character.* 2 1/2 stars

*Action International Home Pictures presents the "Gruesome Holiday shocker." "Elves" starring Grizzly Adams (retro movie trailer)* 3 stars

*Vinegar Syndrome presents on Blu Ray "You Better Watch Out" aka "Christmas Evil": And they've added a beautifully twisted painted portrait of the movie's tragic hero on the box art.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tales from the Crypt: The Ventriloquist's Dummy *Pathetic weirdo and hack ventriloquist comedian Bobcat Goldthwait's idol Don Rickles isn't really a retired, bitter legend of ventriloquism. He's actually a prisoner of his own responsibility to keep his beautiful-woman-hating, conjoined twin freak brother from ever killing again.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Deadline ----------

*Writing obituaries does seem like the typically morbid Summer job that a Springwood teenager would have.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Springwood, where suicidal teenagers wish they were dead so that they can be reunited with their ghost bff(s) and douchebag, ponytailed dreamlovers.* 2 stars

---------------------------------------------

Red Shoe Diaries: Safe Sex *A smooth talker brings a sad, vulnerable business professional lady in out of the rain, and she still makes him wear a raincoat in bed. So, so, softcore stories sent in to a personal ad's post office box and then picked up and retold by shadowy anywhere North America David Duchovny character, which is nice trimming for the show, but damn is the sensitive lite soul torch singing background music awful. I prefer a cheesy, solo saxophone over this -Lifetime For Women lyrics- boner killing tripe.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Brian De Palma's "The Black Dahlia" (2006) *I'm a sucker for Los Angeles noir settings, slaughtered pretty girls like Laura Palmer, and conspiracy art like Alan Moore's From Hell.* 2 1/2 stars

Transparent: season 1 -episode 1 *Three self absorbed siblings can't see past themeselves enough to be aware of their father for what he truly is and themselves for what they might actually be. The conservative side of me wants to say that this is more of liberal Hollywood's agenda to undermine traditional America by saying everyone secretly wants and would be happier with an alternative lifestyle. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw so many aesthetically interesting (not exploitive or trying too hard to be sexy) glimpses of comfortable nudity.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Cyrano DeBraniac *"The savage game of sexual attraction" requires all of one's synapses to be firing and it doesn't hurt to have a time and space manipulating genie, who's also sexy, to unzip Einstein's undead brain out of the fourth dimension.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Den of the Sleeping Demon *A pair of clumsy junior adventurers, and their huge bird friend, help rebury a genetic research monstrosity that was given a high voltage reawakening.* 3 stars

--- Swamp Thing: The Dark Side of the Mirror

*Everyone in this town is so stupid and easily manipulated that Arcane could have probably just walked up to the new determined district attorney, at dinner in a fancy restaurant, and shot him in the head, instead of genetically mutating the musclebound moronic deputy into a Swamp Thing double assassin.

The town formed an extremely enraged mob, in a matter of minutes, and even the longest running protagonist human characteron the show (Jim's mom) is willing to throw her morals aside for blind vengeance.

Thank goodness Jim's brother Will, the new female lead Kari Wuhrer, and Swamp Thing are decent characters.

I'm glad for the upgrade from Jim to Will. Will is a better character and it gives the show more of an adult cast and less of a Timmy fell down the well and needs to be saved, each week, routine.

Still, some of the acting is low quality from the extras.

Feels like they used the stunt man from the fight scenes to do the lines, to save money, when it would have been better to switch him out for a real actor.*

between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

--------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 17 *A wild goose chase for the legendary Mothman. The leader of PRS probably doesn't realize how much he comes off like X Files' Fox Mulder as he keeps repeating the phrase "I want to believe."* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Sentry *"Don't linger in the shadows." It will "rile the bile" about lizard-men living deep within the earth where corporations and shadowy government organizations are storing their darkest secrets. The most daring reporter,ever, of tabloid monster mysteries makes his last (documented) stand down there.* 3 stars

"Room 237" (2012) *"The past doesn't exist." But film historians, and fans, are still dissecting the ghost of Stanley Kubrick and the symbolic filmic events surrounding the almost mythical Overlook Hotel.* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" (1983) *Cro-Magnon man was ruled by a cruel dominatrix / naked lady performance artist / new-age goddess, along with her band of fanatical furries. That is until Ronnie James Dio & Luke Skywalker changed things. Conquest establishes itself apart from other low budget and dumb sword & sorcery flicks, of the early 1980s, with its dreamlike aesthetic and gore-crazy practical special fx.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Begotten" (1990) *Imagine a super 8mm National Geographic hallucination of twitching, early 20th century mental patients being tortured and abused in the ruins of a 19th century pastoral southern gothic wasteland lurked over by pre-modern-civilization tribal sacrificial rites that are even more hellish and nightmarish than actual pagan practices predating contemporary times. Black mold on the walls of farmhouses with sun peeled paint and holes in the tin roof where the sound of dripping rain and viscus is constant on rusting metal surfaces that lie just beyond open rock quarries crawled over by lepers, in rags, dragging shaved and mutilated Christ-like figures who spew black stigmata from their weeping eyes and mouths.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Taint Misbehavin' *A dying Dan Halen requires the citizens of Dougal County to join him in the paradise of the afterlife. Granny and Early get giddy because they mistakenly believe they're going to a resort town in Tennessee, when they're actually heading for the ancient Egyptian land of the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

Workaholics -2015 Season- --preview trailer-- *Some Comedy Central money went into a 2 minute parody of the new Mad Max movie, popular crime tv shows like Sons of Anarchy, strippers, bullet porn fx, and "cool" explosions.* close to 2 1/2 stars (for the misguided effort)

Hannibal: Apéritif *The mongoose meets the cobra.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The House of the Seven Gargoyles *An icy fate for an acrobatic dwarf creeping around a castle posing as a gothic statue and trying to choke his unsuspecting victims.* 3 stars

Dr. Who (4th Doctor - Tom Baker): The Android Invasion *A Benedict Arnold astronaut returns from being lost in space, now brainwashed by aliens carrying a shipment of human replicants and a deadly virus.* 3 stars

Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton *Crichton becomes a castaway on green planet inhabited by a tribal, and somewhat peaceful people, although there is some jealousy when the daughter of the chief becomes smitten with Crichton. After spending part of a cycle looking for Crichton, Rigel and Dargo find him all scruffy and weather beaten. In a Return of the Jedi C3PO twist, Rigel is the tribe's prophesized messiah and the three must save these exiled, forced by forcefield to be primitive people, or else be sacrificed themselves due to stupid politics and a conspiracy of priestly hierarchy.* 3 stars

Bob & Margaret: For Pete's Sake *Bob's brother is a pretentious tv chef, and when he gets a gig in India, Bob and Margaret have to look after his two annoying brats.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music *The power to control demonic forces, living in the root cellar, lies in the sounds on the radio. A tired of being picked on paperboy uses this knowledge to payback the scummy metal-head bully next door and his mean, little sister.* 3 stars

"The Initiation of Sarah" (1978) *This feels like a hazy 70s tv movie version of Carrie the college years. Two sisters pledge and go through the occult like Greek sorrority ceremonies. The good looking one gets picked by Morgan Fairchild's meangirl sisters and has to be cruel to the other. The timid one has her telepathic powers exploited by a witch wannabe Shelly Winters in the rival plain Jane house complete with a maze backyard.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

---Thrashin'--- (1987) *Square jawed Josh Brolin is too straight laced to be taken seriously by skatepunks in the 80s L.A. skatescene. The leader of a gang of Lost Boys also wants Brolin to stay away from his out of town and just visiting, Idaho pretty tomato younger sister. It hits all the right notes for an 80s extreme sports fun adventure flick.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Fitting Punishment *A cheapskate ghetto mortician is willing to cut corners no matter the cost to human decency. He embalms using dirty tap water. He buys cheap coffins from China. He clips out the gold and silver teeth of the deceased. He even blames his orphaned nephew for being a financial burden and cripples him, then sells his Air Jordans to pay medical expenses. When that's not enough, he murders him and saws him a foot shorter above the ankles so that he can stuff the boy into a cheap coffin for Chinamen.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Film At Eleven *Llama stolen from the zoo and almost used in a slumland apartment voodoo ceremony. Cops style film crew documenting the precinct. Herman Dracula, alledged wannabe vampire. It's funny until he commits suicide in his private cell. Ballistics confirms that they've found the handgun used in the near fatal shooting of officers Renko & Hill. Relief comes with uncertainty. It's raining in the police station, the roof is leaking and everyone is getting the flu because of it. This show can't help but end on a melancholy note due to all the lingering emotions. Rollercoaster, as usual.* 3 stars

Tru Tv- --South Beach Tow-- --Bernice's Top 20-- *"Best of" countdown of fake reality show beatdowns by an angry black woman?* 1 star

Botched: Vagina Bomb! *The same network (E!) that encourages viewers to idolize trainwreck celebrities and their fake bodies, also exploits sick individuals who've butchered their own bodies in order to achieve that phony Hollywood dream. Of course this show is under the guise of "fixing" plastic surgery mistakes, but the client/patient usually receives even more body enhancements and still looks like a nightmare.* either zero stars or 2 stars

True Detective: The Long Bright Dark *Heathen homicide in a hick shit-haven where if one doesn't parrot the standard beliefs of others, and oddly speaks in a stream of consciousness like Cormac McCarthy, then one's peers tilt their heads and cock their ears like a confused dog in misunderstanding and disbelief.* 3 stars

---- New Year's Movie Marathon ---------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Time Runner (1992) *Spoilers, for The Force Awakens, ahead. Be Warned. Years after Return of the Jedi, Luke is having a midlife crisis and skynet is using star destroyers to blow up Los Angeles. So he travels back in time to the Washington Canadian border getting in ugly rental car chases with human looking alien Rae Dawn Chong and gunning down well armed baddies, along side the goofy deputy from Twin Peaks, & watching their hilarious death throes. All while making sure Senator Palpatine can't prevent Seth Rogen and James Franco from nuking North Korea thirty years in the future. Make sense?* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon ---plus--- "Dream to Design" -short- *The woman of the future visits the satellite of love and turns the robots crow and tom servo into kitschy househould appliances. meanwhile, the united nations of nasa proves earth's worthiness to the lunar neighbors.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without

Terry Gilliam's "Brazil" *A depressed Da Vinci with his wings clipped by the dulled scissors that society can no longer cut all the red tape with.* 3 stars

Fritz Lang's "Metropolis" *In my life of relative ease, I watch this movie on my cheap consumer electronics provided for me by workers in horrible third world conditions.* 3 stars

"Starry Eyes" (2014) *Ambition. Attrition. Ascension. All the way from Hooters Girl who can't get taken seriously at low-grade movie auditions to transforming into a Hollywood harlot comes at the price of one's soul taken by the Satanists who run the movie industry and helped sanctified with blood and betraying those closest also climbing the ladder.* close to 3 stars

"Messiah of Evil" (1973) *What if, after Thanksgiving, America honored the Donner Party Massacre by having Black Friday be masses of mad people tearing into raw red meat at supermarkets? This flick is like the eerie calm before an apocalypse. Too weird, almost, to describe, and if one tried to, a bug would appear on their tongue and they would cough up insects and lizards.* 3 stars

"Strange Days" (1995) *"Memories were meant to be forgotten. They were designed that way." Let old acquaintance as well. 20 year old predictions about the new century, by James Cameron, are still pretty relevant. Questions about the abuse of police force. Urban upheaval and riots. Voyeurism being a social media (though it's not as seedy as it's imagined in this movie).Things James Cameron got a little off are plenty too. Musicians stopped being, for the most part, political messengers. Trainwreck skank rock queens like Courtney Love aren't nearly as talented as James thinks or as worth going through hell over, but they're still a huge part of the media's obsession. Found footage and virtual reality may just be entertainment fantasy, but the themes in this movie are played out daily on actual viral videos.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max Headroom: Academy *What if corporations had their own legal systems? What if a death penalty trial was turned into a tv game show? Viewers of the HLN network sort of get to experience this. What if criminal profiles were assigned to innocent people who fit a certain stereotype? Wait a minute....* 3 stars

Joe R. Lansdale's "Cold In July" (2014) *A considerate and well adjusted family man has to stand his ground, on shaky legs, but isn't in the overzealous camp of his hometown neighbors who wanna pat him on the back for it. He never feels right about the incident and his remorse pulls him into a world of Dixie mafia killings, Texas Mexico border crime, and a friendship with a flamboyant and dogged private detective and the deeply burdened man who mistakenly stalked the family man's family when he was wrongly convinced the family man slayed his son in the stand your ground incident. In a bizarre twist, the three men come together to help the deeply burdened man solve his burden of putting down his wayward son who's making snuff films with hookers. It reminds me a lot of William Devane's "Rolling Thunder," another revenge flick with a lot of bitter sorrow and dark themes.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- --The Comedy Network-- (1998) *Tom is an absurdist comedian who can sometimes be traditionally clever in his humor. He drinks purple koolaid with a cult who worship an alien version of Jesus Christ's brother, he ruins an Elvis impersonator street performance and almost gets his ass kicked for it, and he continues to try to prove he's the biggest idiot in the room.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Prisoner: The Schizoid Man *The Village have number 6 convinced he's twice the man he was using an uncanny double.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 7 *"People work together when it suits them, they're loyal when it suits 'em, they love when it suits 'em, and they kill when it suits them."* 3 stars

"Under the Skin" (2013) *Scarlet Joe Handsome is an enticing alien, in a black wig and brightly painted lips, driving around Scotland, in a pedo van, indifferently observing all the quiet, everyday human suffering and luring horny, confused men back to her abandoned building / nest / spaceship(?) --where they step sinking into a surreal black pool of liquid.* either 1/2 a star or 2 stars

American Horror Story- -Coven -The Replacements *Sober Santeria. What other show is going to have a pothead, white trash mom molest her patchwork monster, back from the morgue, college boy son? or let a juicy and morbidly obese black virgin finger herself in front of a minotaur? not many spring to mind.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: The Edge *Zanatos uses the steel clan and a Tony Stark type tech gargoyle suit to frame the real gargoyles for the museum heist of 'the eye of Odin,' in order to have the cops chasing them all around town and scare them into coming back under the wings of his 'protection,' which would have the gargoyles inprisoned in a research lab.* 3 stars

Rifftrax - Total Riff Off - Man vs. Monster *"Meeting the channel's factual quota, we now return to the bullshit." Rifftrax skewers another one of those pretentious explorer douchebags, from National Geographic Wild, that are always trying to turn a simple creature of nature into a tall tale monster.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

Son of the Beach: With Sex You Get Eggroll *satire of sex slaves and sex jokes, both smartly done.* 3 stars

Carman -Yo Kidz! -The Vidz *Gnarly Jesus dudes, hip musical kids, and cumbersome cat costumes.* 1 star

Morton Downey Jr.: Cults *A man who once had a cult-like tv audience examines mind control organizations and self-help pseudo-religions.* close to 3 stars

Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety" *Side-splitting neuroses.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Korman's Kalamity *A cartoonist's monstrous creations come to life after years of nagging from an abusive spouse and his recent forced use of an experiment male potency medication.* 2 1/2 stars

"Al-TV" -April Fools Day 1984 *"I could just watch videos all day until my brain turned to mush. Couldn't you?" Weird Al takes over MTV from its bland video disc jockeys and turns the channel into the absurdity it should be.* 3 stars

"Traxx" (1998) *"Be good, be gone, or be dead." Shadoe Stevens is one tough cookie as he parodies every 80s action hero vigilante and western cowboy cliche come to clean up a Troma version of a Texas town in one of the weirdest, left field comedies ever.* 3 stars

Hippies: Protesting Hippies *Simon Pegg tries to spark a Y2K revival of the comedic rebelliousness of The Young Ones with a Britcom That 60s Show.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Pilot Episode *A "Jew, New York doctor" finds unspoiled land, wildlife, hell... even people (patients) "just waiting to be fondled" in middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.* 3 stars

X Files: Space *Otherworldy phantom sabotaging shuttle missions. A study on how stifled and subdued the space program has become.* 2 1/2 stars

"Freaks, Nerds, and Weirdos" -MTV (1994) *MTV NEWS looks at Generation X's social outcasts like nerdy hipster college kids, quirky celebrities, and alternative musicians and they talk about their struggles with being different from "the norm." Ironically, the show is framed with commercials featuring beautiful skin care and fashion model young people bragging about how great it is to be one of the in group of the beautiful ones.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Myth of the American Sleepover" (2010) *The last bittersweet days of Summer and the pre-conceived notion of sublimity for a group of suburban teenagers. Indie movies about the adolescent rite of passage to adulthood aren't as fun as exploitation flicks about the same thing, but the delicate and thoughtful manner in which the subject matter is approached allows for more personal reflection for the viewer.* close to 3 stars

Turner Classic Movies: Beneath the Planet of the Apes *Twice as bleak of an ending as the first.* 3 stars

--- "Bates Motel" (1987)

*After spending his youth in the looney bin with Norman Bates as his father figure, Bud Court (Harold & Maude), and a great casting choice, inherits the Bates Motel from the deceased Norman whom he carries around in an urn afterwards.

With the help of a spunky squatter (Lori Petty) and a Morgan Freeman esque handyman, he reopens the falling apart eyesore and deals with the rumors of the place being haunted and the fast moving yuppies of the 80s who wanna exploit the property to keep with the changing and advancing landscape of the times.

Tonally a weird mixture of maudlin and mockingly humorous. Whoda thunk they could take a legacy of a Hitchcock suspense thriller and throw in one those feel good fixing up the place montages, a Happy Days 1950s teen ghosts dance party with a dreamlover angel Jason Bateman, and Scooby Doo villain plot twist?*

either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"An Evening With Bobcat Goldthwait, Share The Warmth" (1987) *Bobcat chugs two six-packs of TAB and then proceeds to frighten uncomfortable laughter out of a group of yuppies in a nightclub.* 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Vaudeville" (1986-90s) *Best of a weird NYC public access variety show with guests and acts like Grandpa Munster, Tiny Tim, "the Edith Bunker of massage," climbing Harpo's ladder with Wavy Gravy, Burt Reynold's fantasy Turkish woman (possible delusional stalker), Greg Brady, the arm and the giant from Twin Peaks, the theme from the Flying Nun on spoons, Rock Around the Clock in Yiddish, an Underdog / Dracula enthusiast / interpretive dancer, and many other pathetic bizarre folk. Sammy Davis who?* 3 stars

Morton Downey Jr.: Central Park Squatters *A heated shouting match between freaks and fascists over the issue of gentrification.* 3 stars

"Scoundrels" (1982) a Cecil Howard adult film *"Life's too fucking short." Ron Jeremy is the long dick, long suffering dad, just like Kevin Spacey, in a sexually frustrated slice of American Pie.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Murder House- "Rubber Man" *"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?" Hysterical lady troubles.* close to 3 stars

"The Guest" (2014) *A psychotic super-soldier gone awol and come to roost with the troubled family of a fallen comrade. Pulses like an homage to 80s action movies in the vein of John Carpenter.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 1 *Bluegrass Helter Skelter.* 3 stars

Chrisley Knows Best: The Great Outdoors *Chrisley reluctantly takes his sons camping at the lake, while wishing he were more like his hero Oprah and scaring his 8 year old with the legend of Jason Vorhees.* 2 stars

Comic Book Men: Ghostbusting at the Stash *Sitting around ye ole podcast table and sharing spooky stories about things like the Jersey Devil.* 1 star

"The White Buffalo" (1977) *Charging out of Hell and into Heaven were men like Wild Bill, Crazy Horse, and Charles Bronson.* 3 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Dark Angel *Words lost, eyes blinded, and riches not found, but, at the same time, roots replanted, senses regained, and faith restored.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Invasion U.S.A. (feature) & A Date with the Family (short) *Rigid dinners with loved ones, or heavy drinking with a group of barflies, is a great opportunity to discuss how every American should do more in their part to combat the Red Menace.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

"My Mom's A Werewolf" (1988) *An underappreciated housewife goes to the pet store to get a flea collar for the family dog, and winds up having the mom jeans charmed off of her, and replaced with fur, by a hair-piece wearing lycanthrope (John Saxon).* 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Black Tickets ------------------

*A young Brad Pitt runs over himself running into himself running away from his problems.* 2 stars

*Having a baby is hellish, even if Brad Pitt is the daddy.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

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USA Up All Night -with host Rhonda Shear -Valentine's Special -----------------

*Lovers Lovers (feature movie): Neurotic & horny 30 something year old professionals in the city of Angels. It's like a softcore version of Seinfeld.* 2 stars

*Starburst California Raisins style commercial where the Starburst candies get taken to the bad side of town called Twisted Town.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Girls of Paradise (phone sex commercial): 3 stars

*Rhonda hangs out in the honeymoon suite with a amorous bell boy who has chest hairs a plenty.* 3 stars

*Twix commercial parodies the plane crash movie "Alive" in a funny scenario where one guy tricks the other into thinking they're being rescued so that he can have both Twix candy bars to himself.* 3 stars

*Rhonda tries to get a honeymooning and arguing couple's bride out of her hotel room bathroom.* 2 1/2 stars

*Free brochure for TV Parental Ratings guidelines* 3 stars

*"Mel" (taking his name from a PayDay caramel candy bar wrapper) calls up a phone sex hotline to talk to the horny chick about covering her in peanuts and creamy caramel in a funny PayDay commercial.* 3 stars

*"Every day people like me and you are proving why the 'Psychic Solution' is so popular." Obvious payed employees of this phone scam network give false testimonials about their amazing experiences talking to phone psychics.* either zero or 3 stars

*"Imagine being forced to make love. Now, imagine thousands will die if you dont. Will she? Won't she? Or will she just kick some ass?!" La Femme Nikita preview for an upcoming 1997 episode. Haha.* 3 stars

*Rhonda coaches sweet talk to a dumb husband who gets all her amorous advice lines all wrong.* 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------

Weird Science: Magnifico Dad *Mom gets her birthday wish for dad to turn into male supermodel hunk Fabio.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Silence of the Clams *"The beach is meant for solitude, not senseless orgying. Cancel Spring Break or else."* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Fortress of Fear *A many eyed wizard wants Ariel as his bride.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Silent Screams *"Eye of the hurricane, listen to yourself turn. World serves its own needs, Dummy, serve your own needs." Arcane is selling eco-terrorism to the highest bidder. First in line to be served, shadowy agents of the U.S. government, and they're willing to sacrifice a small, swamp town to test the effectiveness.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Invisible Monster *Turn off the life light, don't let it shine or else be taken in by the hungering Pac-Man esque ghost of an animated mass of energy. Look out, because it's a one-eyed, giant, purple, people-eater.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs *Do "They Live" or is it just an April Fool's Day trick of the mind thanks to a phony trick gifts shop's surprisingly effective super specs glasses?* close to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Shadow Boxer *A bum fighter uses cursed gloves to separate his dark side from his body and sends the shadow out to stick it to his opponents.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 18 *Penn State freshman lions turn themselves into fraidy cats with the passing around of campus legends and the playing of an ancient Japanese ghost story game called '100 Candles.'* 2 stars

Penny Dreadful: season 1 episode 1 *For a moment, I thought Frankenstein and his monster were going to passionately kiss on the mouth. It was weird.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 episode 6 *"He eats disease. He likes to be scratched behind the ears. He's horrible, beautiful." 3 stars

The Outer Limits: If These Walls Could Talk *CGI Ryan Reynolds. He's not Green Lantern. He's possibly a 'Casper' or at the very least a molecular anomaly. His mom can't let go of the mystery around his disappearance and his frequenting of a so-called haunted house. She's a paranormal believer. She swears she hears him crying out in the haunted house. She befriends a pyschic phenomena debunker. They get drunk, share their hearbreak over the afterlife or lack thereof. They stir up spirits or at least a cold case crime scene. They learn about the mystery behind a previous owner who was a reclusive scientist and find his hidden room complete with strange meteor. It ends with them covered in ectoplasmic goo.* 2 1/2 stars

"Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College" (1985) *Vatican City versus Disneyland.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Mute Witness to Murder *Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. And some enchanted evening, you may witness a brutal murder. That enchanted evening may damage the psyche.* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Double Dare *Necessity is the mother of virtue. A business professional lady needs the thrill of an erotic game of show and tell via fax machine dirty messages and flashes of bare flesh across facing office building windows with a sexy stranger, but she can't take it to the next step and cheat on her husband in person.* 2 1/2 stars

"Computer Beach Party" *Weirdly played, and ridiculously overdubbed, dorky sex comedy that maybe comes close to deserving cult status.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Total Riff Off: Animals Behaving Badly *Horny deer. Smoking ape. Rascally raccoon. Pooping cheetah. Shoe humping tortoise. Horny dolphin. Indian woman breastfeeding a calf. Chicago city coyote. rat infanticide, and the classic panda attacking jacket guy.* 3 stars with riffing between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without

"RoadRacers" (1994) a Robert Rodriguez film *David Arquette as a scumbag greaser, James Dean wannabe with Salma Hayek as his main squeeze. Sounds unconvincing, but somehow they pull it off. Also, great tunes from the era of rockabilly, decent villains like the town asshole cop William Sadler, and Deadwood's Saul Starr as the sci fi and sinful thrills obsessed sidekick.* 2 1/2 stars

Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" (2014) *Maybe the best ever use of scripted reality in dramatic entertainment. Following two siblings for over a decade as we watch them grow and deal with their movie parents a psychology student-into-teacher mother (Patricia Arquette) and their sometimes deadbeat other times often extremely caring and liberal-slacker poet papa (Ethan Hawke), along with step siblings, abusive drunk stepfathers, plus all the growing pains and life steps that happen along the way to young adulthood.* 3 stars (for achievement in the portayal of life) or zero stars (for every character being so unlikeable)

--Starz-- --The Missing: episode 1 *A wrenching, quiet, and moody look at the frantic hours around parents dealing with the disappearance of a child and how the effects of that trauma are still haunting them, and others involved with the memory, years later.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Damned If You Don't *Dang ole' tornado of the soul.* 3 stars

"Din of Celestial Birds" (2006) *inherent iniquities* 2 1/2 stars

True Detective: Seeing Things *Pussy, fantasy, illusion, delusion, hallucination, justification, nightmare, and revelation.* 3 stars

X Files: Fallen Angel *Toxic cover up and lies with an official seal.* 2 1/2 stars

"Night Dreams" (1981) xxx *Bound by wild desire, Dorothy LeMay fell into a ring of fire.* 3 stars

--- MTV's True Life: I'm Preparing for the End of the World

*An obese, and (from how he's presented on this docu show) low i.q. suffering, young father moves his pregnant wife, two young boys, and yummy pet rabbits & chickens to an isolated farm in the mountains.

There he rambles about doomsday scenarios and his family assists in setting up booby traps that are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.

My advice is to lay off the extra bunny, at dinner, and to not homeschool the kids about the proper way to filter goat piss into a drinkable water alternative, but instead to exercise as a family and to get out in society and work towards not ending up with an apocalypse.

Next, we have two priviledged college twins who are so quirky and idiotic that they jokingly form a two person cult where they bother college campus students and the city's homeless population with their pretend rhetoric.

Low point being when they claim to be getting prepared to raise their consciousness beyond the normal soulless zombie, just before tossing a twenty dollar bill into the air for a group of hungry homeless and junkies to wrestle over.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------------------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Feminism *Mort and feminist lawyer Gloria Allred go toe to toe and almost mouth to mouth with the sexual tension between them (just kidding).* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Television Terror *A t.v. station scores big ratings, when Morton Downey Jr. is murdered, live on the air, while investigating a haunted house.* 3 stars

"Too Young To Die?" (1990) *A trailer trash teen runaway (Juliette Lewis) gets the death penalty for the murder of her soldier guy former lover, thanks to her hick pimp/pusher (Brad Pitt).* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "The Coat Hanger" *Forgiving trespasses. Ian McShane almost seems too good for any show after his iconic role in Deadwood, but he finds one here as a blackly humorous and blasphemous sinner/killer in a setting that keeps getting more depraved and strange. Bucket of KFC chicken and skinning victims alive killer mixed piece joke. Priest drowning at a baptism. Priest crucifiction. The dirty history of pre legalized abortions. Cruel head nun gets on the other end of looney torture. A Nazi butcher / mad scientist seeking aliens because he appreciates their eugenic techniques and getting sent his own Mary with a possible alien seed in her belly.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Amuse-Bouche *"It takes one to know one." A human fungus wants understanding.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Friends for Dinner *"Another domestic dilemma." Bob and Margaret continue to define themselves different from their rude peers, while still retaining a flawed quality that makes them so relatable to the average person.* close to 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Model *"If she learns to swim, next thing she'll want to learn to drive." A nutter doesn't want his nude centerfold wife to take swimming lessons. Olives on pizza distaste, and a compulsion to pull any wallpaper off the wall -weirdness. Also, the swimming lessons oath includes everyone but practioners of karate and the pop star Sting.* 3 stars

Hippies: Hairy Hippies *The animals of Aquarius are gonna tear your prick off.* 3 stars

Farscape: Durka Returns *"The difference between a knife attack and life saving surgery." The outer space adjustment bureau can turn anyone they want into an attitude corrected slave.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Deities *When it comes to matters of the spirit, people often forget what it means being human.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Captured Souls *Sometime in the early 90s, the Obamas and their daughter nearly had the life sucked out of them by a mirror-spy-tech mad-science-geezer posing as an ole timey tween boy with a ridiculous hairstyle that was almost as bad as Obama's soul glow mullet of the time.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Fearful Pranks Ensue" *supreme sacrifice* close to 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: You Have The Right To Remain Silent *A lady cop kidnaps and forces herself on a strong willed guy who won't show her any attention at the gym. I would have laughed if it were a case of her not having any gay-dar.* close to 2 1/2 stars and 1 1/2 a stars for the safe sex sales pitch

Hill Street Blues: Choice Cut *supermarket standoff with a side of beef.* 2 1/2 stars

Fargo: The Rooster Prince *"Savagery, pure and simple."* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Orphans" *The most sympathetic character on the show, Pepper, has a continuation of maybe the most tragic character arc of any character in all of American Horror Story, with a cameo from a character from Asylum.* close to 3 stars

MTV's "Eye Candy" extended peak *Disney channel(?) teen pop idol and now hacker (rolls eyes) in a serial killer stalker show with MTV style "edgy" (crap) aesthetics. The psycho stuffing smartphones in the mouths of victims is unintentionally ludicrous and laughable.* 1 1/2 stars

"Living With Michael Jackson" *"We would wake at dawn and go up in the hot air balloon. I have the footage. It's all very charming and innocent. That's ignorant. Who's the Jack the Ripper in the Room?" Was it exploitive journalist Martin Bashir or delusional Peter Pan wannabe Jacko?* either 3 stars or zero stars

Prime Time Thursday -ABC- Martin Bashir on his Michael Jackson documentary (2003?) *ABC gets a few more nasty kicks in to the wounded weirdo.* 2 stars

The Michael Jackson Interview, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See *--FOX--* (2003)

*"Becareful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth."

Maury Povich pauses from hosting & revealing ghetto / white trash paternity tests to take an investigative behind the scenes footage look at the Martin Bashir documentary on MJ.

An almost propaganda piece trying to repair Jackson's image and justify his strange behavior, but it does shine a light on the deceitful approach of Bashir's manipulative tactics in getting close to Jackson via gaining his trust with comments approving of Michael's generosity and attitudes towards children and Michael's personal life in other ways, and then turning around and only showing the most sensational things in his "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary.*

2 1/2 stars

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The Greatest American Hero: pilot episode "UFO Encounter" *The teachers of troubled teens, those are the real heroes. This show has great music, and I don't just mean the cheesy wonderful theme song.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: I Accuse My Parents (feature) & The Truck Farmer (short) *Cultivate, refrigerate, exaggerate, denigrate.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Son of the Beach: In The G-Hetto *"Read my lips, I'm going down there and I'm going to lick your posse, and I'm going to enjoy it."* 2 1/2 stars

Black Sails: season 1 episode 1 *Blackbeard's snatch. Captain Flint's fluoride smile. Long John Silver's sexy good looks. I doubt these third world bandits were really this stylized.* 2 1/2 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" (1988) *Heaven for guys who like big tits and Hell for guys who don't like to be chopped into little bits.* 3 stars

Hollywood Hillbillies: Headin' For Hollywood *Another internet infamous sensation extends he and his grandmother's 15 minutes of fame by acting as crass and crazy as possible for the reality tv cameras.* 1 star

TLC presents My Husband's Not Gay *These Latter Day Saint women believe that they have it made, because, with another woman, their husband would never stray. I wonder if the LGBT community would stand up for the rights of the "same sex attracted" who don't act on it for religious reasons, or if... ha... of coure not.* either zero or 2 1/2 stars

"Monster" (2003) *A look at someone, on the fringes of life, whose feral impulses sadly couldn't be justified even though she endured a life of inhuman treatment.* 3 stars

Viper: Pilot Movie *Not just a tv show promoting a crime fighting futuristic Dodge motor company concept car, maybe also a question of whether giving career criminals a clean slate of memory is violating their civil rights or not.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Midnight Plowboy" xxx (1971) *Welcome To The Jungle as performed by Going To The Country's Canned Heat.* 2 stars

Woops!: pilot episode (1992) *99.999999% of the world's population has died in a fiery hot flash, but a few quirky yuppies survive to yuck it up on a small farm. Cue the laugh track.* 2 stars

X Files: Eve *bloodthirsty replicas* 3 stars

"Nomads" (1986) *Searching too deep beneath the surface of reality, a cultural archaeologist starts being stalked by a skid row spirit-tribe.* close to 3 stars

Manimal: Manimal *Transmutation is not for the faint or feint of heart.* 2 1/2 stars

---- "Tusk" a Kevin Smith film (2014)

*20th century man spent his time doing amazing things, and had tales to tell later.

21st century man spends most of his time talking about ridiculous things.

This time 21st century man accomplishes one of those ridiculous things.

How to go about summing up something like this...

3 stars for the crazy screenplay.

3 stars for the incredible walrus special fx by Robert Kurtzman.

3 stars for Michael Parks' truly demented serial killer / world's most interesting man character.

2 stars for Haley Joel Osment's nerdy twenty something podcast comedy partner.

almost 2 1/2 stars for Justin Long's obnoxious and self absorbed hipster mustached podcast comedian.

3 stars for Justin Long's suffering through hell tortured and experimented on in the most gruesome way possible walrus-man.

1 1/2 stars for all the podcast nonsense.

either zero stars or 3 stars for Johnny Depp's Mike Myers esque eccentric inspector character.

and to finish out the whole whacked out affair, either 1 star or 3 stars for the absurd ending.*

===================================================================

Wizards and Warriors: The Unicorn of Death *Mind over matter. Also, lightning hawks, hawks that shoot lightning.* 3 stars

"Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" *"One fish two fish red fish blue fish, knick knack paddywhack give a dog a bone, Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time, my bacon's smelling fine." The Wayans, just off of In Living Color and a handful of blackspoitation movies, take on Boyz in the Hood & Friday with their brand of satire that hadn't quite soured just yet like it would with the Scary Movie series. Somewhat not bad, nowhere as good as say an episode of Chapelle Show, but almost on the level of something like Comedy Central's Key & Peele.* 2 stars plus 3 stars for Bernie Mac's cameo speech

Freddy's Nightmares: School Daze ----------

*No more homework, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks. Just robotic students.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Standard Achievement Torture.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------

"Ben and Arthur" (2002) *I'm sure that everyone involved with this shot-on-video "movie" had their big, gay hearts in the right place, but the results are so oddly misguided that it cursed the gay rights movement and set queer equality back at least a decade.* 1 star

Tales From The Crypt: My Brother's Keeper *Two guys attached at the ass-cheek, now that's freaks. And it's definitely a wild half of the siamese situation if Timothy Stack is the straight laced one.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Cannon Video: Fifty Fifty (1993) *A couple of "in it for the money" mercenaries find a change of heart and purpose, when they're sold out by the U.S. government after initially being hired to train a ragtag group of villagers to overthrow a cruel dictator.* close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Double Danger *monkeying around with hallucinagens* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Operation Double 007 *"Terrorists were a lot more fun back then." Thankfully, Sean Connery's brother, Neil, also didn't try to rip off Highlander 2 or Zardoz.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

The Prisoner: The General *Blind memorization is a learn-ed way for a slave to show its appreciation to its masters.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 19 *"Balancing faith and science" as the lead investigator questions whether or not he should debunk a crazy lady's haunting experiences.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Walk A Mile In My Shoots *Arcane and Swamp Thing trade places.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "Burn, Witch, Burn" *Ask me no questions and I'll tell thee no lie. Mama's little baby love shortenin'. Fry fry fry. Febreeze will get the odors out of any room where dead things lie.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Dead to the World *Denial ain't just a river in Bum-Fuck, Egypt.* close to 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 2 *Rhythm, romancin', runnin', and rippin' up the floorboards.* 3 stars

"The Census Taker" (1984) *"An outrageous invasion of privacy."* 3 stars

Hannibal: Potage *Manipulation in Maryland, Minnesota, and the media.* 3 stars

X Files: Fire *amorous arsonist* 2 1/2 stars

12 Monkeys: Pilot episode *Hourglasses of the hydra.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Thirteenth Floor" (1999) *"Hate to see that evening sun go down." Digital virtual deja-vu.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Birthright *Senator Al Gore is all about shooting up with supplements and saving the environment by saturating it with methane for his alien race to take over and inhabit.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Brains, Know How and Native Intelligence *singing the body electric and fixing the plumbing.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Love, Native American Style *firebush and big hose* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Island of the Body Snatchers *Ariel almost loses her mind and her body in the mystery zone.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Twisted Claw *Wish in one hand, let a vulture shit in the other.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Eegah! *RRRR! Richard Kiel is really big and really lonely and he wants to rape a gal named Roxy. It's like King Kong set in a resort desert town where a Ricky Nelson reject is constantly rocking out.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Weird Science: The Feminine Mistake *The guys get turned into chicks and experience what the other sex has to go through with horny guys like themselves.* 3 stars

Jack London's "Call of the Wild" starring Charlton Heston & featuring "Buck" the dog *Buck worth more than all the gold in the Klondike.* 3 stars

"Ax Giant" *"All strut and no gut." Paul Bunyan puts a cgi sawblade through Grizzly Adams' bear-sized head for eating his blue ox named Babe.* 2 stars

MLK Day Tribute ---------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Racism with Dr. Charles King (2 appearances on the show) *One of the last ballsy, crazy, and passionately confused conversations about race conducted by the media before political correctness closed the door.* either zero or 3 stars

---------------------------------------------

Abel Ferarra's "King of New York" (1990) *Max Shreck, magnanimous and soulful.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

X Files: Beyond the Sea *Serial killer -Brad Dourif- claims to channel the beyond and a grieving Scully's recently deceased dad. but is he just a coward staying execution?* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper" *quacking misogyny* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Talk To Me Baby *"You gonna believe your eyes or are you gonna believe me?" Shared feelings and Samson-haired Bud "tries" to be less of a horndog for other women, but he's only a man afterall and after a night at the bar watching a wet t-shirt contest. If his hot foreign accent nympho girlfriend don't forgive him and talk, he's gonna flip his muscle car and go out Romeo style with her in the passenger seat.* 3 stars

William Friedkin's "Cruising" (1980) *assault, alarm, assuage, acclimate, assplay, and arrest* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers Lane *Drifters and the females who foolishly fawn over them. A Route 66 romantic tragedy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

American Horror Story: Murder House "Spooky Little Girl" *The apparition of the Black Dahlia is misdiagnosed with acute anxiety.* 3 stars

Nic Cage is "Left Behind" (2014) *Bono raptured. U2 concert postponed.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Cabin Fever -----------

*Fly the Freddy skies.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Freddy finds his Laura Palmer.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------------

True Detective: The Locked Room *Scarred snowflakes* 3 stars

"Night Warning" (1983) *"Fuckin' deviants, the world is full of 'em." Hoop dreams, ''homophobia'', and a hilariously insane Susan Tyrrell.* 3 stars

Svengoolie: House of Horrors *Creepin' on art critics.* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Secret *Blue hued and sweet toothed tale of a wolf boy adopted by vampires.* 3 stars

Charles Bronson in "Cold Sweat" *A History of Violence in a French fishing village with American muscle car action.* close to 3 stars

Viper: Once A Thief *Viper-Man takes a suped-up stroll down memory lane with his delinquent former protege, Robin.* 2 1/2 stars

Son of the Beach: Two Thongs Don't Make A Right *The Devil's butt floss and daddy's B.J.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Betsy Russell is a "Tomboy" *Battle of the sexes in a light-hearted, cheesy reality that's not afraid to get raunchy.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Magical Thinking" *Weak men and strong women.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal Witness: The Visitors *It's either one of two scenarios for this episode: A) A door to door salesman is duped into believing he's cursed with demons and uses his scientific background, and connections, to explain it. or B) A bored, middle-aged former scientist, and his tech buddies, try to establish a hoax with alledged proof of the paranormal.* 2 stars

The Greatest American Hero: The Hit Car *Heavier than air, heavy like Shakespeare.* 3 stars

"Killdozer" (1974) *Grizzled workmen in an isolated setting sci-fi horror that's similar to and yet almost a decade ahead of John Carpenter's "The Thing."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 2 *Cooking up a kingdom, of reprieve, through barter and betrayal.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" aka "I Come In Peace" (1990) *Phantasm's The Tall Man the cyberpunk / heavymetal years, now available on projectile compact-disc, just in time for a White-boy's Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Bedtime Stories: The Endorsement *Subversive swipe at Sunset BLVD* 3 stars

Puppy-Bowl: Unnecessary Roughness *Puppies wrestling at the "50 yard line" and hamsters overhead in a tiny blimp. This is okay with PETA, yet I can no longer go to my cockfights on Friday nights.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu: Blood Brother *Dignity should not remain surrendered or buried in the mire.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Roar of the Lion *(Traditional Chinese costumes) Lion versus dragon in a kung-fu dance off ceremony that's also comedy gold in a stunt filled comedy filled flick.* 3 stars

Manimal: Illusion *Manimal predicted the Siegfried & Roy tragedy, and Richard Lynch plays a diplomatic immunity villain before Lethal Weapon does the same.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

King of the Hill: It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings *"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again." In Hank's reality, he loses it when he can't micro-manage any poor decision making that's always hilariously exaggerated.* 3 stars

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Group Dates *Dennis comes unhinged when women rate him, online, as a zero. Frank can't keep Mac & Charlie from offending their blind dates, and he can't keep his cockring from slipping off. Dee's plan to stick it to men by giving them one night stands winds up backfiring.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 7 *Black noises, thirsting voices striking, impeaching.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

15 Storeys High: Blue Rat *All of the energy, none of the fuss, plus a pony.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Finale *A is for anxiety and or African American spirit girl humming to a sensitive, young medium girl.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

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